I Make Mistakes In México So You Don’t Have To…

I had never before been to Mexico,

I don’t speak much Spanish,

I don’t know The Metric System.

So why not move to Mexico from Chicago to write the Telenovela of my dreams?

What could go wrong….

Listen to my podcast to learn all about my mistake-filled life here, and please give it a great rating even if you have to lie!!

Gracias!!

#podcasts

#mexico

#telenovelas

#travel

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-mexican-mistake-s/id1474401635

My Mexican Mistake(s)

I moved here to Mexico City on June 1, 2019, inspired by my love of telenovelas!

And I’d never been to Mexico before a day in my life!

And now I’m making lots of mistakes here, so you don’t have to!

The podcast is now on Apple, Spotify, Anchor and lots of other platforms. It’s somewhat awkward, very silly, occasionally funny, and always commercial-free!

Please give it a listen and a high rating, even if you have to lie.

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-mexican-mistake-s/id1474401635

Hello From México!!

Yes, I’ve moved to Mexico!!

Five years ago, I thought I might try to learn Spanish from watching telenovelas!

Five years later, I have left my job (Cook County Assistant State’s Attorney in Gang Crimes), my home (Chicago), and my family and friends (am I crazy?) to move to Mexico City to write the Telenovela of my Dreams!!

And now, I’m doing a Podcast from here!! It’s called “My Mexican Mistake(s)” and I’ve recorded two episodes so far!!

Here’s the link!

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4Z0OCurC484Zac6YdkX8cB?si=c2pJOTKDREGfFqDWfTgjfA

More to come!! https://open.spotify.com/episode/4Z0OCurC484Zac6YdkX8cB?si=c2pJOTKDREGfFqDWfTgjfA

In The NarcoNovela “El Senor De Los Cielos,” The Casillas Family Are The Worst Houseguests EVER!

Que tal!

I hope you have been watching “El Senor de Los Cielos” because right now it is the only show crazier than “Sin Senor Si Hay Paraíso” , and believe me, that’s saying something.

First of all, El Senor himself is in a coma, with his head wrapped up in bandages, with only one eye poking out.

Imagine The Invisible Man in the middle of a contract dispute, with a lot of men wearing big cowboy hats and bigger belt buckles in charge of his medical care.

After he was shot by El Cabo and his ever-dwindling group of Not-So-Merry Men, he had sought refuge with El Rayo (his childhood boxing coach), where he was rescued by his half-brother Amado, who is known as El Aguila Azul, but to be honest I think he should be called “El Principe Azul,” and Aurelio’s triple-crossing girlfriend Corina, and some luchadors.

This crew got him to The Ahumada Ranch, which is usually a pretty quiet place even with Don Ahumada running for El Presidente, until their long-lost (for a good reason) cousins The Casillas Family (all shot up) showed up at the Ahumada Ranch. Dona Alba and Mrs. Ahumada are cousins, but there’s a reason why Mr. Ahumada doesn’t want them around and it’s this: THE CASILLAS FAMILY ARE NARCOS AND HE IS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT AND HIS PLATFORM IS “I AM NOT A NARCO!”

With the Casillas Clan, you get a lot of gangsters, bullys, big guns, yelling, a Command Center, more yelling, plotting, full-metal makeouts in unexpected places, shoot-outs, worry, drama, a mini-hospital, a full medical staff, torture, kidnappings, and even more yelling. This is not what a Presidential Candidate needs, except maybe for the plotting. And the make-outs. And the medical staff is OK but only if they have brought Ambien.

In fact, the Casillas Clan should probably just stay home the next time they are attacked.

Meanwhile, to add to the Candidate’s worry, his daughter Diana was kidnapped by the neighbors, the Ramos Brothers, who I hope are better ranchers than they are kidnappers and neighbors. Don Ahumada and the police were on their way to rescue Diana, but she tried to stall them because with the Casillas Cousins taking up all of the air in the room with their problems, neither Diana nor her mother had had a chance to tell Papi that Diana is a Narca, and that is why she is still single.

Diana is like a teenager who gets caught with marijuana in her backpack, except in her case it’s like 18 tons of marijuana.

She was so afraid her father and the police were going to find out she was a Narca that she actually called her archenemy and Texas dinner date El Cabo to ransom her. Cabo agreed to do it, because he thinks everything is funny, even though he thought there was a slight risk that it could be a set up. And even though it was not a set-up, because he did not find Diana tied to the railroad tracks (which I guess The Ramos Brothers said they were going to do) he believed that it was. If you ask me, the best part about that scene on the tracks was that one of his henchman held an umbrella over Cabo, to keep the strong sun off his head. Cabo is like Queen Elizabeth without the handbag, in that someone else holds his umbrella.

If I worked for Cabo, I would tell him he needs a summer weight Run-DMC track suit, in seersucker, because black velour is just too warm. I think if El Cabo could be anything he wanted to be (besides El Cabo), he would be a Russian Oligarch, because no one would love to prance around in an ostrich jacket more than El Cabo.

Luckily for Diana, she is rescued by her half-cousin Amado Leal, known as El Chicle or El Aguila Azul. But in Diana’s case, it’s more like “El Principe Azul” because when he rescues her as they booth shoot it out with the Nitwit Ramos Brothers, it’s Love At First Shot. It’s a good thing her hair and makeup still looked good even though she had to wear the burlap head bag for several days.

See, my mother was right: You never know where you are going to meet your Future Husband, and having your head stuck in a burlap bag is no excuse not to wear lipstick.

Once Diana was rescued from the Ramos Brothers, she had to explain to her father that she was kidnapped because she is a Narca, which is also why she was still single.

Of course she was kidnapped because she’s a Narca!

What does she look like? The Lindbergh Baby?

Meanwhile, an angry El Cabo incorrectly felt he had been betrayed by Diana, so he tried to kill her father at a campaign rally. If he dies I think there is a chance he can still win the election since everyone likes a nice quiet candidate.

And El Cabo’s girlfriend Evelina went to the morgue to identify her dead father but he wasn’t there, and that’s probably because he’s not dead.

If I understood things correctly, and the odds are pretty good that I did not, Evelina’s father is El Rayo, which makes her practically family to the Casillas Family, which is going to make Thanksgiving particularly awkward.

Don’t miss a minute of this fast, funny and fantastic show!

Happy 4th of July!! As I Learn Spanish From Telenovelas, I’ll Warn You That There Are No Recipes Here, Unless They Are Recipes For Disaster!

In the few short years that I’ve been learning Spanish from telenovelas on Telemundo everything about the way we watch television has changed.

With so many more options for the audience on both sides of The Border, Spanish-language broadcast networks are working overtime to keep their audiences entertained, and from turning to streaming services.

Are NarcoNovelas the answer?

Do telenovela fans want multiple seasons of the same show?

Are SuperSeries the future?

If I knew the answer I’d be running a tv studio!

But it’s something to think about, and the topic I explore in my latest article for Latin Connection Magazine.

Here it is!

And don’t miss the other great articles in this month’s issue, including a big layout on Miami Fashion Week!

Wherever You Were For The Very Grand Finale Of “Al Otro Lado Del Muro,” That Was The Place To Be!

I hope you were there for the Great Very Grand Finale Of The Telemundo SuperNovela Al Otro Lado del Muro!

Where?? You ask?

Well, you could have started in Miami, where Sofia & Joel & Patrick & Agent Garcia rescued Alondra and lots of other poor girls from a Sex Slave Auction that was the centerpiece of a Masquerade Ball, like Trivial Pursuit is the centerpiece of my parties.

Or you could have been in L.A., where a busy, insane and tireless Jennifer drugged Eliza and escaped from the Asylum For The Criminally Insane, and then tricked Eliza into coming over, and then attacked her with a baseball bat, and then tried to drown her, and then, when Andres and Max rescued Eliza, Jennifer tried to yell Eliza to death.

Or, you could have been in the Women’s Prison with Paula, where the other inmates were beating her to death since she had sold most of their daughters.

Or you could have been on a Florida Beach with Sofia and Joel, where Joel gave Sofia the Pardon for the Crime She Never Committed, and just as they were about to celebrate their long-awaited honeymoon, Sofia saw a creepy old man hitting on a 3rd grade girl, and ran over to confront him and save the girl, at which point Joel realized that the Honeymoon Is Over.

Or you could have been at Interpol watching Agent Garcia accepting an award for breaking up The World’s Biggest Human Trafficking Ring, and signing a lot of Overtime slips.

Or you could have been at an Infinity Pool somewhere in the Caribbean with Ernesto, cool as a cucumber in linen, ordering an icy-cold beer that was delivered by an ice-cold Patrick who was finally allowed to arrest him.

Or you could have been in Boyle Heights, at the wedding of Eliza and ANDRES!!!!! Yay!!!!!!! Max may have come out strong out of the gate, but 10 years is a long time to be afraid of your wife.

And letting the Bone Marrow Transplant continue at the scary Dollar Store clinic really was the last straw.

Plus Andres can do everything important: sitting around staring languidly into space like a hungry supermodel is not his thing.

In fact, Andres made a great speech comparing love to making bread, and who doesn’t love bread?!

I loved Litzy in this series, and I’ve seen her get married a lot! But she never looked as beautiful at any of her other novela weddings as she looked in #AlOtroLadoDelMuro!

I think they are all packing up and moving back to Mexico, so her mother Carmen can continue to yell at her without traveling to San Diego every time she wants to tell her something.

Carmen, BEST GRANDMOTHER EVER, found Frida rebuilding her career without those sleazy pimp/managers, and invited her to the wedding, so Tomas and Frida could reunite, which they did.

In front of everyone.

Charlie was invited to the wedding too (without either of his parents of course), and he and Rodrigo were busy plotting something that I hope doesn’t hurt either one of them.

Or, you could have been like me, on my couch in Chicago, watching the end with an eye on a clock that was going way too fast, and wishing it could go on forever!

This novela was wonderful, and I hate to see it end!

I loved these characters and the story, and it’s hard to say GOODBYE to them!!

Thank you Laura Sosa Pedroza for such a fantastic novela!!

And thank you to a great cast that included Marjorie De Sousa Litzy Gabriela Vergara, Adriana Barraza, Gabriel Porras, Uriel Del Toro, Guillermo Ivan, Ed Trucco, Christopher Millan, Khotan, Noah Rico, Gael Sancheztv, Gustavo Pedraza

And A Cast Of Thousands!!!!!

And a special thanks to Joaquín Fernández and his team for the fantastic music, Luisa Ibanez for her tireless work on behalf of the show, and everyone at Telemundo who works so hard to make these shows as great as they are!

“MI FAMILIA PERFECTA” IS PERFECT!!

Did you watch The Very Grand Premiere of “Mi Familia Perfecta,” the latest telenovela from Jose Spataro and Telemundo?!

I loved it, and it’s going to be EXCELLENT!! You will not want to miss a minute with The Guerrero Family! But believe me, you won’t want to babysit them!!

Apparently, The Guerrero Family had a mother and father at one time, but the father died, and the mother was deported five years before.

When the show opens, the kids all live together on their own, with NO parents at all. and to be honest, they are kind of messy, and not very good at housekeeping.

The house is a DISASTER, which is exactly what happens if there is no mom to yell at everyone all of the time to pick up their things, and to say things like:

“I am not your maid”

or “Who do you think is going to pick up after you?”

or “Those dishes aren’t going to wash themselves”

or “You can’t go out until you do your chores”

or “Why can’t you wipe that bathroom mirror down after you wash your hands?”

or “You had better learn how to clean your house or you will never get a husband.”

Things like that.

The kids are being raised by their oldest brother, El Patas, and if you ask me, he’s a pretty good older brother because he runs a burrito truck, and who wouldn’t want a burrito truck in the family?

El Patas is very responsible, and wants the best for his siblings. You would think that having to raise his brothers and sisters for the past five years would have made him want to delay starting his own family? but nope.

He has an AWFUL, trashy wife named Ashley who has not one redeeming quality as far as I can tell, unless you need cocaine in a hurry.

And they have a son who is a toddler and wreaks havoc in every room he goes into, but that’s pretty much because his mother has two moods: Stoned and Sleeping.

Ashley has a mother and sister who are exactly the kind of people you expect to find at a Trump rally, only worse.

Marisol Guerrero is not the eldest daughter, but she is the most responsible and the most interesting because she may have a brilliant soccer future ahead of her, but if she keeps hiding her soccer balls in the sewer and jogging on the mean streets of L.A. before daylight she may not live long enough to try out for a team.

Julian Guerrero is the kid brother who is always in trouble because he constantly breaks the law in order to support his family.

While he is well-intentioned, I am not sure that throwing his younger sister Lili into traffic to stage auto-accidents is really helpful. Plus, Julian gets into a lot of fights, and steals electricity from the neighbors, so he’ll be spending a lot of time at the police station and hospitals.

Lili Guerrero is the youngest sister, who is really kind of lost. She has grown up without her mother, and seems very unhappy. The best evidence that she feels that her life has no meaning is that she lets Julian push her into moving traffic to make a few bucks.

Rosa Guerrero is, as far as I can tell, the WORST of the lot because she is the oldest daughter and instead of assuming some responsibility and helping to raise her siblings, she dyes her hair blonde and fools around with married men.

When I was a kid, I loved my parents, but I always wanted to be adopted by the band The Monkees. The Monkees were lots of fun, were always up to interesting pranks, and every episode ended with a song. I thought living with them would be a dream come true. Until I saw The Hudson Brothers, and then I wanted them to adopt me. Clearly, I did not appreciate my parents, who might not have had a Saturday morning TV show or guitars, but they paid the bills and we always had plenty of food, school supplies, and electricity.

Even if CHORES took up an inordinate part of my teenage years.

I think all teenagers should have to watch the pilot of “Mi Familia Perfecta,” and then they could see what life is really like without parents. I can’t imagine anything tougher than children trying to support their siblings, and trying to keep them all going, and keep the authorities from finding out what is happening, and keep from being deported. All the while working and paying an immigration lawyer every penny to try to bring your mom back – a mother, by the way, who doesn’t seem too keen on returning, since she now has a new family in Mexico and has no intention of “Babysitting” her own kids.

I can’t wait to see tonight’s episode! I think they are going to hire someone to pretend to be their mother. Again, something I might have imagined as a child.

The cast in this series is FANTASTIC. It’s basically everyone who got killed off in ESDLC, including Sabrina Seara, Jorge Luis Moreno and Gala Montes.

Mauricio Henao, so terrific in “Senora Acero” has cleaned up GREAT, and here he plays a Mysterious Womens’ Soccer Coach From Colombia who is so handsome the real mystery is how any of the girls focus on soccer.

Laura Flores plays the Missing Mom In Mexico Who Clearly Met Someone.

I’m a big Laura Flores fan, ans I have learned a lot watching her in telenovelas, and this series will be no exception.

I love her here as the Mom who just might want to stay in Mexico instead of returning to that VERY MESSY house.

And her five kids, a wretched daughter-in-law and a grandchild who unintentionally tries to set the house on fire.

Watch for Natasha Dominguez as the BAD MOM.

Jose Guillermo Cortines is almost unrecognizable in a gigantic beard, but I am so happy to see him because I adore him! He’s an excellent actor and in the series is married to Karla Monroig. They play the good-hearted neighbors who try to help the Guerrero kids, but also have their hands full with their own kids, especially their son Eddie who stays out all night riding around and drinking.

And Beatriz Monroy is back as the lady the kids hire to pretend to be their mother (I think). I’m a huge Beatriz Monroy fan!!

But you won’t believe who plays Mrs. Trump – El Patas’ mother-in-law – Sonya Smith! I did not recognize her and you have to see her for yourself. Maybe it is just because her character is so awful and hateful that I didn’t see the beautiful and charming Sonya Smith under her unusual and unpleasant hairstyle and makeup.

This is a part we have not ever seen her in and it’s going to be DELICIOUS!!! I think she will be going to lots of rallies, and I can’t wait to see her in her MAGA hat.

Don’t miss this new novela!!

Even A Simple Trip To The Grocery Store Is More Exciting In A Telenovela!

The start of the work-week can be tough, unless of course you watch telenovelas on Telemundo, in which case the start of the week can’t come soon enough!!

Don’t like Mondays?

Think Tuesdays are too tough?

Pobrecita!!

Every weekday is a great day if you watch telenovelas on #Telemundo because it’s just another week of mayhem and madness!

In “Al Otro Lado del Muro,” Sofia is having a Very Big Week so far, starting with running into Joel at the grocery store.

Of course she was at first ecstatic because she thinks that the Amor de su Vida has somehow miraculously found her at the Publix, until she realized that Joel had been convinced by a forged autopsy and lying Congressman that Sofia killed his beloved sister and the sobrino she was carrying.

Paula, Governor Martinez’ personal, private henchwoman, and Pastrana, Paula’s personal, Private henchman, did an excellent job of  building a fake case against poor Sofia, but Joel has disappointed me because he believed a Congressman.

My rule of thumb is to do the opposite of what any Congressman says.

I wish they had met up at the Whole Foods or Mariano’s, two fancy grocery stores in Chicago that have a wine and sushi bar, so that Joel could arrest Sofia under more quasi-date-like conditions.

The guy to keep our eye on in all of this continues to be Patrick, Joel’s Interpol Boss and BFF.

Is he part of the conspiracy or not??

As a seasoned law-enforcement professional, I’ll say this:

Patrick is so handsome I might not care.

Typically, criminals are not that handsome unless they are in telenovelas.

I’ve often thought that their bad looks might account for their criminality, and maybe we should be investing less in prisons and more in plastic surgery.

So as we say, the jury is still out on Patrick.

Meanwhile, we are all waiting to see how Steve recovers from the surgery to remove the aneurysm that might have been keeping him from recovering his memory.

However, even if he does remember he might pretend that he does not, because I’ll bet  Eliza is much nicer than his wife plus she’s an excellent baker.

Faking amnesia is something I’d like to try out, and I don’t know why it doesn’t happen more often. There’s really no downside when you think about it.

And just how did Interpol Joel find Sofia?

In Los Angeles?

With no leads?

Not an address or even a hint of an address, addresses from prior arrests, or a list of known associates?

Only lots and lots of head shots of Sofia, because she is so beautiful and was the First Lady of an Unnamed State in Mexico, so there were plenty of photo ops?

Well, armed with the most flattering photos of Sofia, and a budget with apparently unlimited overtime, Joel and Patrick hit the hot streets of L.A., showing her picture all over the place.

They got lucky when they showed Sofia’s photo to a woman who must have been in line with Sofia at the grocery store, because next thing you know, here comes Sofia, pushing a cart through the parking lot, just like the rest of us mere mortals.

At least Joel did not wait for  Sofia to unload her groceries into the hot car before he arrested her.

That would have been extra-painful.

Sofia could not have been happier when she thought Joel found her in the parking lot, and she was grateful that even though she had only gone to the grocery store, she had put on some lipstick and fixed her hair, remembering her mother’s advice that you should always have lipstick on, even to throw out the garbage, because you never know who you will run into.

However, Sofia’s hopes for a romantic reunion were dashed quickly when Joel put her in handcuffs (although for one moment Sofia worried that Joel might be a fan of “50 Shades…, which would have been a deal-breaker).

While Sofia was trying to understand what was happening, Joel was trying to get her to pipe down so he could give Sofia her Miranda rights without interruption, because believe me, if you ever try to give someone their Miranda rights and they keep interrupting you, you have to start all over again from the beginning or you will forget one.

And in the midst of all of this, there was Pastrana, who appears to be the most valuable member of the Governor’s team, shooting at either Sofia or Joel, or both of them.

Joel tried to capture Pastrana but he escaped with the help of two deadly Sicarios.

At the police station in the Interrogation Room, Joel confronted Sofia with the accusation that she killed his sister, which is definitely a conversation killer.

A stunned Sofia sat silent at first, stunned, sobbing, and of course ultimate denyied the accusation.

I could have told Joel this is not the best way to start questioning someone, if you want to get anywhere.

He should have offered her something to eat and drink, and a cigarette. A good interrogation always begins with good manners.

But Joel was never going to get anywhere with Sofia because The Lawyer No One Called For showed up.

If Joel had ever worked in Chicago he would have known the age-old saying: “You Don’t Want Nobody Nobody Sent For.”

That’s when the alarm goes off!

But he left Sofia alone with The Lawyer She Never Hired. Bad bad move.

Once this lawyer could not get a bond for Sofia, he began asking her about her daughter.

Sofia was already suspicious of him because the day before he suggested she call her daughter.

Now he wanted to know where she was, and it wasn’t to have the 10 year-old Alondra sign the contract.

Sofia realized that it was her husband who hired him!

Without a bond and without her daughter, Sofia will have to await trial in jail.

And meanwhile, her BFF Eliza, worried that Sofia never made it back from the store, went looking for her with Andres The Carpenter.

There was Sofia’s truck, and an excited bagboy to fill them in on what happened.

I’m pretty sure that the groceries were spoiled by the time Eliza and Andres got there.

Meanwhile, Max, married to Eliza, but Emotionally & Unlawfully Restrained by his Other Wife, Jennifer, has been stalking his family with Eliza, sitting in his car and watching them having a great time without him.

And Max’s battle-axe of a wife Jennifer (who would get along great with Andres Battle-Axe of a Wife, Maria) is stalking Max.

To paraphrase the great line from the movie “My Best Friend’s Wedding:”

“But Jennifer, who is stalking  you?”

This series is Absolutely Fabulous!!!

Sent from my iPhone

Eliza Meets The Baddest Of Bad Hombres When She Meets Jennifer, Her Husband’s Gringa Wife!

There is no better hour on television than the Telemundo telenovela Al Otro Lado del Muro!

Here’s what happened last night:

So just as the episode opened, and Sofia thought she was about to escape the motel for the USA, or, if not, then at least for a better hotel, her husband The Evil Governor Ernesto Martinez and his henchmen were on The Other Side Of The Door.

The henchmen took the kids, and Ernesto once again tried to convince Sofia he was innocent.

I’ll tell you what:

Ernesto has a great future in politics because he really is a World Class Liar.

He actually told Sofia that she’s the “Amor de Mi Vida,” the “Love Of my Life,” with a straight face, but she didn’t buy it because she already knew that Paula had picked her to be The Governor’s Wife.

Meanwhile, their kids were bickering between themselves and the henchmen, which made the henchmen wonder why Ernesto was so intent on keeping them.

When Sofia left the motel room, her daughter ran to her, but her rat-bastard of a stepson waited in the car. Too bad.

Because at that moment the sharpshooters with the Mob Boss’ Son showed up and tried to kill Sofia.

Bullets flew everywhere.

I thought they might be trying to kill Ernesto, and so did Ernesto because when you are Ernesto, it’s not unusual that people want to kill you.

But no- that was an assassination attempt on Sofia, who was able to escape with her terrified daughter thanks to the quick thinking and excellent driving ability of Joel.

I love that Joel left the tattle-tale Bow Tie Julián at the motel with his father Ernesto. Joel knows this kid is bad news.

Just like my grandmother used to say about certain people:

“You can tell a bad day from early in the morning.”

Of course, since she said it in Italian, I might not have understood it correctly, just like I could be getting things wrong about this great novela, because there’s a lot to keep up with for me in Spanish!!

So Joel takes Sofia and her daughter to a hidden cabin that his Interpol Chief Patrick finds for them. This cabin is cozy and romantic, and just the perfect place to wind down after a major-shootout, which is how I would promote it on Air BNB.

Once Sofia gets her daughter to sleep, she finds a First-Aid kit in the cabin, and fixes Joel’s bulletwound.

Everyone in a telenovela knows how to fix a bullet wound, even retired Beauty Pageant winners like Sofia. It must be a required class in 7th grade, which is where all “required” classes happen.

After the surgery, Joel and Sofia kiss in front of the fire, which is the perfect way to end their day, after the kidnappings, betrayals and assassination attempt.

That is another feature that would be included in the Air BNB ad for this awesome cabin.

Meanwhile, back in the Governor’s Office, his Chief Of Staff and Girlfriend Paula is seducing the Mafia Boss’ son who ordered the hit on Sofia, but has an impressive work-ethic because he also helped try to kill her.

Paula is willing to overlook what a bad shot he is, judging by the fact she stripped in front of him.

Since I’m still learning Spanish from telenovelas, I can’t figure out if this is what Gov Ernesto wants her to do, or if this is just a side-job for Paula, an insurance policy.

Time will tell, while another associate of theirs, The Elegant and Ultra Evil Juan Estevez (Omar Germenos) sits in jail, a ticking tomb for Ernesto, Paula, The Mob, and their Human Trafficking Business….

Meanwhile, back in L.A., I think that Eliza’s day could be described as “Bad Gringo” day, and for the first time she understood what Trump meant when he used the phrase “Bad Hombres” – he must have meant the Gringos that have Greeted her and her family in L.A.

Because they have been awful!

From the Security Guard who threw Eliza and the kids out of the bus station and kept yelling at the top of his lungs that he didn’t speak Spanish, to the cab driver who stole her phone when he couldn’t steal her money, Eliza had a terrible Gringo day because Max never showed up to pick Eliza and the kids at the bus station, and Steve, his intended emissary, is in a coma somewhere.

Luckily for Eliza, she found the house Max bought for her, and even luckier, that awesome carpenter was at the house doing some last-minute touch-ups to the place, so he could let them in, Welcome them to the USA, and offer to help them find Max.

Sometimes telenovelas are accused of being a bit unrealistic.

Since I am a huge fan of anything that is not realistic, I am ALL-IN on any crazy plot twist anyone throws my way.

But even I cannot accept the complete and utter fantasy that any carpenter or home-repair guy would voluntarily return to the house, without being asked, to do some final-touch ups, and make sure everything is ok.

Nope.

That guy is never coming back unless you scream, yell, beg, and ultimately offer more money.

After Andres, the Best and Most Unusually Cheerful Carpenter Ever, left Eliza and the kids, Eliza thought that her horrible day had finally come to a happy end, until there was a knock at the door…

Eliza happily thought it must be The Missing Max,

but when she flung the door open,

there,

standing on the other side,

was the Scariest Bad Hombre Of All,

Max’s wife Jennifer,

who took a moment from her busy day at the bedside of her dying son

to glare at her husband’s wife.

Uh-oh…

What will happen tonight??????

Bravo!!!!!

And a special Thank You to Joaquín Fernández for the wonderful music in this great series! This song will haunt you forever!

Why Ed Trucco in “Al Otro Lado Del Muro” Now Understands Captain Dobey’s Pain … And Other Telenovela Tragedies…

Que tal!

Did you see last night’s gripping episode of Al Otro Lado del Muro on @Telemundo? It is definitely the fastest hour on television!

Poor Eliza and those kids of hers!

They finally arrive in Los Angeles by bus, and Max is not there to pick them up, the kids are hungry, and Liza’s cell Phone does not work in the USA.

Between the bad food in bus terminals and no phone, this is where I get right back on the bus to Mexico. Let Max find me there.

I’m going back to my mother. And The Bakery.

But Liza is a better person than I am, and so she waits.

And waits…

Meanwhile, two security guards who don’t speak Spanish are getting ready to make a move on her.

Now here is where I get a little angry:

I predict we are going to see some Gringos who do not speak Spanish, or are going to speak Very Bad Spanish.

Why not cast La Gringa Novelera in one of these roles?

No one speaks worse Spanish than me.

I could play any of these roles.

And I already have experience acting in a telenovela.

My 4-seconds in #QuienEsQuien was the most compelling 4-seconds in that series.

I would go the distance in a role requiring Very Bad Spanish, and believe me, I wouldn’t have to go very far.

But I digress…

So the Missing Max has a good excuse for not showing up at the Bus Station – his son with the evil Jennifer was in the hospital and the doctors can’t figure what is wrong with him.

All we know is that his parents were having yet another big fight, and the poor kid collapsed.

My guess is that he’s so tired of listening to his mother trying to hold her marriage together by screaming at his father that she has driven the poor kid into a coma.

Max now needs to stay at the hospital so he can be with his son, and so that Jennifer can continue to yell at him.

So Max sent his brother-in-law Steve (who was on his way to Madrid to try to reunite with his family) to pop-in at the bus station, explain everything to Eliza, and give her a lot of cash.

Steve (Gustavo Pedraza) wasn’t too crazy about this idea, because even though yes, he was in his way to Madrid, he was not going by BUS, so it’s a bit of an imposition. But he agreed to go.

He must be a pretty good packer, because normally on the day anyone is about to travel, there’s no time to go to the bus station, cover for a Missing Dad, and still get to the airport in time to fly to Madrid.

But unfortunately poor Steve was mugged and badly beaten up just before he walked into the bus station. Unconscious, he was taken away by ambulance…

And Eliza and the kids are about to be thrown out of the bus station by a mean Gringo who does not speak Spanish…

Meanwhile, back in Mexico, Sofia has problems of her own- not the least of which are a Human Trafficker of a Husband who is also Governor, and an evil stepson named Julian, who is thwarting her escape plans at every turn.

She should have known Julian could not be trusted when, at the age of 11, he expressed an interest in wearing bow-ties, when he should have been asking for a Metallica t-shirt.

Joel, the Brave and Heartbroken Interpol Agent, showed up at a Governor’s Gala in disguise as either a Hipster or a Rabbi.

As you can imagine, this created just enough confusion at the Gala to give Joel and Sofia enough time to plot her escape, with the help of her Kind And Trustworthy Driver, German.

He’s not German – that’s his name – and he’s played by my friend Hely Ferrigny!

The Governor was interrupted at the Gala by his Human Trafficking Partner’s calls from jail demanding to see him.

So the busy Governor left his fundraiser to go to the jail to visit Juan Estevez, with a confession already written out for him to sign.

A “confession” which of course takes the Governor out of the crime ring.

The Governor promised Juan that if he confessed, after a short time in prison he would send him to Spain.

I’m not sure what the Sentencing Laws are in Mexico, but if Parole includes a trip to Spain, this is an excellent criminal justice system.

Even though Juan is a Human Trafficker, and Spain is beautiful, I admired him when he took the “confession” and threw it in the Governor’s face.

As a disappointed Governor left the jail, confession in hand,

I wondered when had time to write it, but figured he had staffed it out to Paula, who loves nothing more than to compound a crime, when she is not trying to humiliate Sofia or fool around with Sofia’s husband The Governor.

In Illinois, our Governors never visit anyone in prison, but that is because they all end up in prison.

Meanwhile, at first Sofia’s escape seems to be going pretty well:

Since one of the guys in the Governor’s security detail is a former and current hitman who Joel had arrested before, Joel was able to convince him to help get the kids to their mom Sofia, who Joel had stashed in a second-rate hotel, where the elegant and highly-accessorized Sofia stood out like a sore thumb.

If you ask me, Joel should have hidden Sofia at The Four Seasons, where she could hide in plain sight.

Things started to break bad when that twit Julián snuck Sofia’s cell phone into the bathroom and called his dad, to tip him off.

Then poor Patrick, Joel’s Interpol boss who spends half of his workday yelling at Joel for being a rebel, and the other half of the day covering for Joel because he’s his best agent, gets attacked by the Sicario/Bodyguard, and is left for dead.

Patrick, played by Ed Trucco, is like Starsky and Hutch’s constantly worried Lieutenant. He knows he’s lucky to have Joel, but Joel’s UnOrthodox methods (unless he’s posing as a Rabbi) drive him crazy.

I love the scenes between Patrick and Joel (played by Guillermo Ivan) more than any other scenes in this show because they usually speak English, so I can relax a little.

As last night’s episode ended, when Sofia opened the door to her Motel 6 room to escape with her kids into the waiting arms and small private plane of Interpol, The Evil Governor was on the other side of the door.

Now what????????

Don’t miss tonight’s exciting episode!!!

Pretty soon we should be seeing Christopher Millan!!

I Love this series!!

Bravo👏👏👏👏👏