WATCHING “SENORA ACERO” COME TO AN END IS LIKE LEAVING A FUN PARTY FILLED WITH GREAT-LOOKING GUESTS WITH TERRIBLE JUDGEMENT, WHO NEVER CALL 911!

It’s very tough to say goodbye to the great SuperCrazyNarcoNovela “Senora Acero,” on Telemundo, but sadly, this is the last season!!

Que LASTIMA!!

Please join me for a trip down Bad Memory Lane in my latest article for Latin Connection Magazine, a tribute to five seasons of madness in Señora Acero!!

Saying goodbye to the crew is like being at a super fun party with your best friends, who are the perfect combination of good looks and terrible judgement!!

The magazine is available on line, and here’s the article!

@LatinConnection is all about living the Latino lifestyle in the USA, and in addition to my Telenovela news, there is a lot more news you can use!!

TELENOVELAS vs SEINFELD

Telenovelas have learned a lot from Seinfeld.

In Seinfeld , George built a hidden compartment in his desk so he could nap.

In Señora Acero , the Evil Gringo FBI Chief in Mexico built a hidden compartment in his desk so he could hide the $$$$ he got from El Teca.

You be the judge…

George never had that much cash, and the DEA Chief is too coked up to sleep.

So as usual, everything works out for the best!!

If you’re not watching telenovelas you don’t know what you’re missing!

In “Falsa Identidad” We See Why All Big-City Mayors Should Still Live At Home With Their Moms

Que tal!

Well, in “Falsa Identidad,” the latest ThrillerNovela from Telemundo, last night we watched the second episode, and have already called out our spot on the couch for the third episode, which starts Muy Pronto.

So, I didn’t realize until last night that Eliseo was THE MAYOR, yet still lived with his mother and stepfather.

I’m from Chicago, where we have a longstanding tradition of Mayors Behaving Badly.

I realize now that if they still lived at home with their moms, they would behave a lot better.

Eliseo sent his brother Diego on the road with Isabel and her son, so that Diego could escape from the Narco Gavino Gaona, who wants to kill Diego for stealing his wife and his gasoline.

Gavino had already killed his wife, now it’s Diego’s turn. So far no one in Gavino’s organization has been able to kill him because they either lost him in the chase or they are in love with him.

I’m not sure which category David falls into yet.

Mayor Eliseo promised Isabel he’d raise her teenage daughter as his own, because there weren’t enough passports for her, but he still hasn’t figured out how he will tell his scary, steely, flinty mother (The Great Sonia Smith) that he has a teenage daughter who just popped up.

Since her 2nd husband has already accused her of failing as a mother because her son Diego steals oil from Narcos, he will also accuse of her as failing as a grandmother, and it will be no excuse to say she didn’t even know she had any grandchildren.

MEANWHILE, I love watching Diego and Isabel On The Road because they are bickering just as much as any old married couple, even though they just met yesterday in the hallway of the Mayor’s house.

They crossed into Arizona yesterday but the Gaona Cartel is hot in their tail thanks to a combination of very corrupt border agents and ultra-efficient hotel clerks.

MEANWHILE, everyone has come to the Mayor’s house looking for El Diego and Isabel. First, Isabel’s weak and drunk husband brought his father, The Chief of Police, to find Isabel and the kids at the Mayor’s house.

Here’s where MEXICO is just like Chicago: No police chief in the real world or in Novelaville, in Chicago or in Mexico, is searching the Mayor’s house.

Not if they want to keep their pension anyway.

So at first, the Chief pretends to be a little social, but he loses his temper and eventually demands that Zoraida produce his daughter-in-law and grand-kids. At that point the Mayor’s mom Fernanda threw him out of the house.

The only thing worse than getting thrown out of the Mayor’s house is if it’s his mom who gave you the boot.

Defeated, El Coronel and that imbecile of a son left the Mayor’s house and went home to get drunk.

El Coronel thinks Isabel has a boyfriend; he doesn’t know she escaped because her son will kill her.

Just as Fernanda got rid of those two, the whole Goana Cartel showed up, looking for Diego.

They surrounded the Mayor and his stepfather at gunpoint,

on the front steps of the Mayor’s house.

We may behave pretty badly in Chicago, but no one here would ever have the nerve to hold the Mayor at gunpoint on his front steps.

Honestly, he’s more likely to take hostages than we are.

Eliseo is very brave, and he told the Goana Crew, including The Perpetually Angry Gavino, that they could come in and search the whole house. Diego wasn’t there.

Of course, once he called their bluff (and they then claimed that they saw Diego driving away), they all left.

I think that the real reason the Goana crew declined the offer is because they were afraid they’d run into Fernanda.

MEANWHILE,

Gavino, whose appears to hate his daughter Circe and vice-versa, announces yesterday that when the time comes, he’s giving control of the cartel to his right-hand man Joselito, and not his daughter because she’s a woman.

Not only has a made an enemy, he may have lost a Falconer.

Watch this fun and fast show tonight!!

The Time Is Now To Start a New Telenovela!

Did you watch the Very Fast & Furious World Premiere of “Falsa Identidad” on Telemundo? It was Fantastic! And the next episode starts in just a few hours!

Basically, Luis Ernesto Franco, as “El Diego,” and Camila Sodi, as “Isabel,” had better be Fast because The Bad Guys are Furious!

So basically, here’s the story so far:

El Diego has been in trouble with everyone ever since his father died when El Diego was a little boy, and before he had an “El” in front of his name.

El Diego and his older brother Eliseo are very tight, and Elisio always bails Diego out of trouble with their mother “Fernanda,” the Very Scary Yet Always Elegant Sonia Smith, who is now married to a creep that no one likes (except maybe Fernanda.

Meanwhile, back at the Ranch (literally), Mafioso Gavino Gaona has a huge house filled with:

-a wife he hates (but wants to possess),

-a daughter named “Circe” who is also a Falconer, and has the coolest name on the show, who he hates but wants to possess (Samadhi Zendejas);

-a huge staff made up of a lot of men who will kill anyone he wants,whenever he wants, who he does possess;

-a right-hand man named “Joselito” player by the always-great Uriel Del Toro, who might be hiding a False Identity of his own, who hates/loves Circe, and definitely hates El Franco,

– and a lot of other people who Gavino hates, and who hate him, but they all seem to live in the same house.

No one plays a perpetually angry and bitterly-disappointed-in-his-non-killer-children Narco better than the always fantastic Sergio-Goyri.

So El Diego and his BFF David (played by the always excellent and very popular Pepe Gamez) get caught stealing oil from Don Gaona’s pipeline.

I thought they had struck oil, and I was about to watch a telenovela version of the “Beverly Hillbillies,” but when they ran away as lots of big black cars drove up shooting at them, I realized there was a big difference between stealing oil and striking oil.

El Diego’s mother Fernanda was very angry that her son was stealing oil from the rich and corrupt and giving it to the poor, especially since the oil belonged to Don Gaona, her new husband’s patron.

As she was trying to throw him out, his brother Elisio was running interference for him, but Fernanda wasn’t having it.

Unfortunately, while Diego’s mother and brother were fighting over how bad Franco is because he stole oil from the NarcoBoss, El Diego then stole the Narco Boss’ much younger wife.

While Diego and Mrs. Gavino Gaona dallied in a tool- shed with no comfortable furniture, Joselito found them and took a lot of photos, which he then gleefully showed to Mr Gavino Gaona.

An angry (well, angrier) Gavino then sent his men, and oddly, his daughter Circe The Falconer, to kill El Diego.

Circe was in the best position to kill El Diego but she didn’t because she loves him, and she’ll be lucky if her father doesn’t kill her once The Evil Joselito tells on her.

MEANWHILE,

Poor Isabel, played by the lovely and talented Camila Sodi, married the wrong guy, and she knows he’s the wrong guy because he beats her up all of the time.

How does he get away with it?

His father is the Chief of Police.

So Isabel can’t leave because her husband will kill her.

And she can’t stay because her husband will kill her.

Since it’s bad either way, Isabel takes her two children and flees to her friend Zoraida’s house, where Zoraida lives as the housekeeper for … wait for it … ELISIO!!

When Eliseo finds a whole new family hiding in his kitchen he demands to know (not unreasonably) who they are.

Here is how pretty Camila Sodi is:

Even with Band-Aids on her face, she’s still beautiful.

MEANWHILE,

El Diego learns that his girlfriend Mrs Gavino’s body has been found hanging from a bridge attached to a note that says “We’re looking for you…”

Diego is pretty sure that the “You” referred to in the note is Diego.

When Diego’s stepfather learns that there is a price on his head, he calls Don Gavino to turn him in.

I’ll be honest: I don’t think step-dad needs the money; I think he’s just that bad.

So Diego flees to his brother Eliseo’s house.

When Elisio learns that Isabel and her children are hiding from her abusive husband and the Chief of Police, and he realizes that he’s got to get his brother out of town, he solves two problems in one brilliant way:

Diego and Isabel can flee together, pretending to be married.

Even though they just met in the hallway between the kitchen and the living room, they agreed to do it.

If this relationship works out, it will change the face of courtship forever!

The only catch was there were not enough passports for Isabel’s daughter, so Isabel had to leave the teenager with Eliseo, who vowed to raise her as his own.

This is a very generous gesture by Eliseo, who apparently hasn’t ever met a teenage girl before, and is not prepared for the tears, screams, unreasonably hurt feelings, massive, massive texting, and eye-rolling.

Think this is a lot for one episode???

You don’t know the half of it!!

And don’t miss tonight’s episode on Telemundo!

If you’ve always wanted to watch a telenovela now is the time!!

With “Falsa Identidad” just starting, and my recaps of the show (and the English subtitles, if you want), this is the perfect show for you!!

Want To Be A Prosecutor?Skip Law School And Watch Telenovelas!

TELENOVELA PROSECUTORS THROUGH THE AGES:

What’s Law Got To Do With It??

———————————————-/

Que tal!

When I started learning Spanish from telenovelas, I was usually very wrong about everything. In fact, I was so dazed and confused during the first month of La Patrona on Telemundo that I thought Antonia and Alejandro were a rich, unhappily married couple with no children, and that Antonia hated Alejandro SO MUCH that the gigantic family portrait over the fireplace only included her. “Thank goodness they didn’t bring any children into this unhappy marriage,” I thought.

And then one day I realized that they had no children because they weren’t married: they were mother and son. Why Alejandro did not get his own apartment is a question for another day, but clearly, there no room in my fevered brain to figure out the subtleties of the show.

But as time went on and I understood more and more every day, I came to really love the courtroom scenes in La Patrona, and in all of the telenovelas I watch to this day. The courtroom hijinx in a telenovela would make the whole world want to go to law school, if only court could actually be as crazy and as much fun. And as a prosecutor in in the criminal courts of Chicago, I love watching what my fellow Novela prosecutors get up to.

For example, in “La Patrona,” the prosecutor (Ricardo) was a pretty decent guy with a gigantic Crucifix in his office, which is kind of unusual for government work. He was only able to have sex with women he wasn’t married to, which is usually something we see in celebrities and professional athletes, but in Ricardo’s case it was because his father had convinced him that his mother had abandoned him to run away with the Tennis Pro, when in reality Ricardo’s father had had The Mrs. imprisoned in the local Asylum for the Criminally Insane, so he could spend all of her money on hookers, Tequila, and his Senate campaign. Ricardo retired from the Prosecutor’s Office to defend his mother of trying to kill his father after she escaped from the Asylum.

Of course he did.

In “Eva La Trailera,” Sofia Lama played “Betty,” a prosecutor so in love with Eva’s boyfriend Pablo that Betty prosecuted Eva for a murder which Betty knew Eva didn’t commit, scared all of Eva’s witnesses, conspired with the Real Killer to see that Eva was convicted, lost her job when her bosses found out about it, and then pregnant and broke, moved in with Pablo’s family even though no one invited her.

In “El Senor de los Cielos,” Erika de la Rosa played “Elsa,” the Very Special Prosecutor assigned to prosecute Don El Chema, who was supposed to be El Chapo. Elsa is one of my favorite prosecutors for a couple of reasons: Number 1, I don’t even think Elsa was a lawyer. I think that her parents were big campaign contributors to El Presidente, and basically paid him to take her off of their hands. Elsa gave me hope: She showed us that having no working knowledge of the law was not an impediment to a successful prosecution. Number 2, Elsa was dating Chema at the same time she was prosecuting him. When I met Erika at a Telemundo event, and gushed about how much I learned from Elsa about being a prosecutor, Erika quickly excused herself and called for “Security.”

And then, in the next season of “El Senor de Los Cielos,” Alejandro de la Madrid played Ignacio, a serious and honest prosecutor who became so frustrated by his inability to convict any drug kingpins that he assembled a team of the prettiest women in the office and they formed a Hit Squad, assassinating everyone who was acquitted, which is another way to go. Usually, in law enforcement, when a team of the prettiest women are recruited, it is because someone is assembling a softball team.

ESDLC is an embarrassment of riches of fantastic prosecutors. Now, in Season 6 of the series, we are treated to another great prosecutor from whom we can learn a lot – Nora Requena, played by Maria Conchita Alonso.

Nora has come from New York to extradite El Senor himself – Aurelio Casillas. I love that Nora gets to go to the country from which she is extraditing the criminal. If this happened in real life, we would all be looking to Italy for our defendants. Usually, a successful extradition requires that the prosecutor complete hundreds of documents exactly right, and then hope the host country agrees with us. But in ESDLC6, Nora has the right idea – Go right to the country harboring the criminal to make your case in person, and take a private plane to get there. Nora acts like she is on vacation, and the DEA agents in Mexico are the hotel valets.

Right before she left for Mexico, Nora had just pulled the plug on her husband, literally. Once her husband drew his last breath, Nora left the hospital for Mexico City, and left the hospital staff with her husband’s jewelry driver’s license and his body, telling them she was finally “free.” Well, she is certainly free from all medical and burial expenses.

Nora then flew into CDMX on a private jet. One thing I have learned from telenovelas of any type is that if there is a prosecutor hanging around, that prosecutor leads a pretty glamorous life. They have a driver, they boss the judge around, and they usually have an office filled with antiques, Oriental rugs, and religious objects. Although we haven’t seen her office yet, I am sure Nora is no exception to this rule. My proof? She carries a fan. A fan.

It never occurred to me to use a fan before, but now I don’t know how I practiced law for so long without one.

A fan is something I could use very effectively in closing arguments, as long as no one ever bursts into the song “Lady of Spain.” And when I say “no one,” I mean me. Or as long as I don’t develop a southern accent and call in sick because I have “the vapors.” At least I need to find out what “the vapors” are, exactly. Now that I think about it, I could do a lot of damage with a fan, and most of it would be self-inflicted.

In ESDLC, once Nora and her entourage landed, DEA chief Joe Navarro picked her up at the airport and took Nora right to a meeting at the Mexico City offices of the DEA. With her piercing glare, fan and gigantic glasses, Nora made everyone in the meeting nervous, maybe because they never saw a prosecutor use a fan before.

The DEA wants Nora to ask Mexico to please extradite Aurelio, and Carla The Journalist was there to impress upon Nora the importance of shipping Aurelio to the USA, except Carla had just hooked up with Aurelio the night before and was clearly conflicted about sending Aurelio to the USA when she needed a date for a family wedding coming up.

Their strategy was to show Nora the video shot the day that Aurelio took over the news station, where he broadcast that even though he was the world’s biggest cartel boss, he was still better than the crooked bosses of Mexico.

Nora is really one cool customer.

After watching the tape, she announced that the tape was not evidence of anything.

Nora’s statement, and her rejection of charges, rocked my world.

I have always thought that a confession is pretty important evidence.

But Nora disagrees and I think she called it “television gossip,” as if Aurelio’s broadcast was a bad episode of “The Bachelor.”

I’ll be honest.

If I was trying this case, I would have charged him, queued up that tape, hit “Play” on the DVD player, lit a cigarette, and when the tape was over I would have announced “State Rests.”

But no, not according to Nora.

Even with a confession made to the entire country of Mexico which no one could ever complain was coerced because it was Aurelio himself who took over the whole television station at gunpoint just so he could make this statement, the work is just beginning, according to Nora. This could be true, or it could also be that Nora wants to extend her trip to Mexico.

The DEA was disappointed, but perked up when Nora tried to get everyone to go out drinking, which shows that the DEA in Mexico City is like every other prosecutor’s office around the USA.

Only Joe agreed to go, even though Nora appeared to be buying.

Nora came well-equipped to take care of prosecutor business. She is armed with an evening gown, gigantic glasses, and fans to match every outfit. Is this a homage to Novelaville’s Greatest Villainess Catalina Creel, who had an eye patch to match every one of her dresses, even though most of her dresses were made out of the same fabric as the curtains? Time will tell.

All I know right now is that I wish Telemundo could offer credit for Continuing Legal Education for teaching us how to be better prosecutors from telenovelas!

For more of my sideways views of telenovelas, please follow me here, and @gringanovelera on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, and on “Latin Connection” magazine!

Gringa Novelera

Latin Connection Magazine

Building A Better Prosecutor By Watching “El Senor De Los Cielos”

Follow me here as I learn how to be a better prosecutor from Maria Conchita Alonso’s character, New York prosecutor Nora Requena, in the NarcoNovela “El Senor de los Cielos!”

It’s only been three nights of Continuing Legal Education From Prosecutor Nora Requena in the Telemundo NarcoNovela “El Senor de Los Cielos,” and already I have learned more than I learned in three years of law school!

I am closely following her character to learn how to be a better prosecutor. If this works, I may have invented a better way to get Continuing Legal Education credit!

Nora (Maria Conchita Alonso) is in Mexico because she just pulled the plug on her husband, literally, and also at the request of theDEA Mexico City Chief, the always angry and impatient, 3-piece-suit wearing, vest-loving Joe Lazaro, played by Guy Ecker. (When Guy played the police chief in the old t.v. show “Las Vegas,” which was a Very Guilty Pleasure, he wore more open-collared shirts and was much more relaxed. But in #ESDLC he is angry all of the time, which might have something to do with wearing a collar and tie all of the time. Who wouldn’t be cranky?)

So when we meet up with Nora in her third episode, she is right where we left her – making everyone in the meeting nervous.

The DEA (minus Corina, who was busy stirring it up at Aurelio’s house), and Aurelio’s latest conquest Carla the Crusading Journalist, were all there to convince Nora to extradite Aurelio to the USA, although it was clear that Carla was having second thoughts because she needed a date for a wedding that was coming up.

Their strategy was to show Nora the video taken the day that Aurelio took over the news station and announced that even though he was the world’s biggest cartel boss, he was still better than the crooked bosses of Mexico.

Nora, played by Maria Conchita Alonso, is really one cool customer.

After watching the tape where Aurelio admitted all of his crimes to the audience (and it was not even Sweeps week), Nora announced that the tape was not evidence of anything.

Nora’s statement, and her rejection of charges, rocked my world.

I have always thought that a confession is pretty important evidence.

But Nora disagrees and I think she called it “television gossip” as though Aurelio’s broadcast was a bad episode of “The Batchelor.”

I’ll be honest.

Until I heard Nora’s remarkable assessment, if I was trying this case, I would charges him, hit “Play,” on the DVD player, lit a cigarette, and when the tape was over I would have announced “State Rests.”

But no, not according to Nora.

Even with a confession made to the entire country of Mexico which no one could ever complain was coerced because it was Aurelio himself who took over the whole tv station at gunpoint just so he could make this statement, there is no resting, and the work is just beginning, according to Nora.

The DEA was disappointed, but perked up when Nora tried to get everyone to go out drinking, which shows that the DEA in Mexico City is like every other prosecutor’s office around the USA.

Only Guy agreed to go, even though Nora appeared to be buying.

As they were leaving, Corina showed up.

I thought Nora would see through Corina with what I am sure are x-ray specs, and that she and Corina would be natural enemies, like the Snake and the Nongoose.

But Nora was so unexpectedly kind and charming to Corina that Corina (channeling her inner Sally Field) actually said to Deputy Chief Colon, ”See, she likes me! She really likes me!”

This has clearly never happened to Corina before.

After Nora left the offices of the DEA, Deputy Chief Colon told Corina he is worried and thinks that Nora is there to investigate them.

But Corina does not care because she has a new friend in Nora.

Wait until her new BFF Nora meets Corina’s boyfriend Aurelio and her old BFF El Rojito.

So what lesson did we learn from Nora last night?

What decisions did Nora make that will help us to be better prosecutors?

Well, that a “confession is not evidence, apparently.

Her views of confessions as gossip is interesting, but the real lesson, if you ask me,

is that as prosecutors we should strive to

create a mood of so much confusion and craziness that half of the room thinks you’re investigating them,

and the other half wants to go out drinking with you.

And of course our Nora was taking a page right out of Don Corleone’s book with her approach to Corina – “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.

Don’t miss these valuable legal lessons from Prosecutor Nora Requena, tonight and every night in “El Senor de Los Cielos” on Telemundo!

DAY 2: LEARNING HOW TO BE A BETTER PROSECUTOR WITH “EL SENOR DE LOS CIELOS!”

I am following the Adventures of New York prosecutor “Nora Requena,” played by Maria Conchita Alonso in the SuperNarcoNovela “El Senor de Los Cielos,” to learn how to be a better prosecutor! And I’ll be telling you all about it here!

And I am working hard to get us Continuing Legal Education credit for watching the show!

One thing I have learned from telenovelas of any type is that if there is a prosecutor hanging around, that prosecutor leads a pretty glamorous life: They have a driver; they can boss the judge around, and they usually have an office filled with antiques, Renaissance paintings and shrines to La Virgincita, something you don’t normally see in government work.

Since this is only the prosecutor La Fiscal Nora Requena’s second day on “El Senor de Los Cielos,” plus she is from NYC and only visiting Mexico, we have not seen her office yet.

However, there is no shortage of glamour for this VIP***. (*** – Very Important Prosecutor).

When we first saw Nora in yesterday’s episode, she was striding off of a private jet that had just landed in Mexico City, where she was met by the dashing and angry Joe Lazaro, the DEA chief in Mexico City who has somehow managed to figure out a way to yell at people through a clenched jaw.

When Nora tells Joe that her husband of twenty years has just died (leaving out the part about pulling the plug and leaving his corpse to science. Or whoever at the hospital wants it), Joe tells her he is sorry, and Nora responds, “I’m not.” Which Joe does not find odd at all, maybe because he’s already thinking about making a move on Nora since she’s already been in Mexico for approximately 7 seconds, and Corina needs a stepmother who can keep her in line.

Nora then climbs in the heavily-armed SUV with heavier-tinted windows, and she is whisked away to the DEA office in CDMX.

OK, as prosecutors, let’s unpack this scene.

First of all, when prosecutors travel for work we ride in whatever is lower than Economy Class, known as Sub-Economy Class, which usually involves standing for the entire flight.

Second of all, we never get to go to foreign countries, but instead we attend out-of state conferences in places like Arizona in the summer and Albany in the winter.

No one ever meets us at the plane. Instead, we stumble off with our too-heavy carry-ons. bleary, dreary, sleep-deprived, in desperate need of food, drink and a bathroom. Or put it another way, we disembark looking just like every other airline passenger.

There is no private car with tinted glass waiting for us at the airport. Here’s what usually happens instead: Some people try to get the whole group to go with public transportation or a shuttle service. A few jet-lagged people go with them, and the rest share cabs, during which period at least two people will claim they haven’t “exchanged their dollars” yet, so could someone else pay for them (ignoring the fact we are still in the USA and still using US currency; and one or two more people will announce they don’t have any change, so could someone else pay for them, with vows (always broken) of repayment.

Then when everyone is reunited at the hotel, someone somewhat cheap will introduce the idea of “The Kitty.” This is a shared fund for food, drinks and transportation into which everyone will contribute equally but some will deplete much faster than others, but then everyone has to “refresh” The Kitty by repeatedly putting more money into it.

At this point, the only thing a prosecutor’s trip for work has in common with #ESDLC is the potential for violence created by the resentment which is fueled by The Kitty.

Back to Nora The Telenovela Prosecutor…

After the luxurious SUV with the tinted windows whisks Nora away from the private plane, we don’t see her for awhile. Then, we meet her again in the very fancy and sleek offices of the DEA, where she is in a gigantic conference room with equipment right out of the movie “Minority Report” lining the walls.

Let the glaring and sideways glances begin:

Here’s who is in the meeting with  Nora: Joe Navarro – Chief of the DEA in Mexico, his Vice-President of the DEA Guillermo Colon, Bernardo Castillo-Chief of Security in Mexico, and Carla Uzcategui, the anti-cartel reporter who is now dating Aurelio Casillas (although she claims they are not dates, they are just kidnappings.)

As Navarro went around the table room introducing them, for each person in the room, when Joe announced their job title, the expression on Nora’s face was “I’ll be the judge of that,” which not only made me doubt whether I had understood correctly who these cast members were supposed to be, but it was clear even the cast members doubted themselves for a moment when they saw her skeptical response. Maybe Castillo really ISN’T the Chief of Security for the whole country of Mexico, after all?

Of course, Nora and Carla instantly hated each other on sight, as only two women who want to be the most popular woman in the room can hate each other. And somehow, I think Nora already knows that Carla hooked up with Aurelio the night before, where she literally and figuratively let her hair down.

Now that Nora has shaken everyone’s confidence in their own job titles, clearly her work is done for the day. Let’s see what havoc she wreaks tonight!!

And here is what I learned from Nora last night:

Striding anywhere with confidence gets you a much better chance of getting a driver, and treating anything your colleagues tell you with skepticism, even its it’s just their name, goes a long way to making you the most popular person in the room, as everyone works hard to get on your good side.

Don’t miss tomorrow’s session!

Happy 4th of July!! As I Learn Spanish From Telenovelas, I’ll Warn You That There Are No Recipes Here, Unless They Are Recipes For Disaster!

In the few short years that I’ve been learning Spanish from telenovelas on Telemundo everything about the way we watch television has changed.

With so many more options for the audience on both sides of The Border, Spanish-language broadcast networks are working overtime to keep their audiences entertained, and from turning to streaming services.

Are NarcoNovelas the answer?

Do telenovela fans want multiple seasons of the same show?

Are SuperSeries the future?

If I knew the answer I’d be running a tv studio!

But it’s something to think about, and the topic I explore in my latest article for Latin Connection Magazine.

Here it is!

And don’t miss the other great articles in this month’s issue, including a big layout on Miami Fashion Week!

The Real Not-Housewives Of “El Senor De Los Cielos!”

I’m learning a lot more than Spanish learning Spanish from telenovelas!

Things are getting very complicated in the Telemundo NarcoNovela “El Senor de Los Cielos,” these days, as Aurelio is trying to keep two very beautiful but surly women happy, keep them in love with him, and keep them in the drug business with him:

1: La Coronela Ambar Maldonado of the Venezuelan Army, who gives out solid gold bars of solid gold with the same frequency Fredo Corleone used to bang Las Vegas cocktail waitresses in “The Godfather:” Two at a time.

I’m not sure what this is doing for Venezuela, but her love life has improved dramatically.

She uses sex as a weapon, and she also uses weapons as weapons.

2. Corina, of the DEA:

She might be the real daughter of the head of the DEA, she might be the pretend niece of the second in charge, and she might be another Love of Aurelio’s Life, but she is the most unpleasant and angry woman this show has seen yet. All she does is make speeches and yell at people at work all day.

I am curious to see if she gets away with so much yelling now that she’s at the heart of the Cartel, where no one has to pretend to follow the law, and they all carry guns too.

Like the scene in “Goodfellas” where they kill the whiny Maury, someone will finally blow Corina’s head off and say “I thought she’d never shut up.”

Corina is only ever a little happy when she’s at the heart of Cartel business with Aurelio, which might account for why she is so unhappy at doing anti-Cartel work with the DEA, pretending (not very well) to be against drugs.

When Aurelio found out Corina was a double-agent, he locked her up in his basement jail, which is as common as a swimming pool in the living room in Narco Novelas.

Now she is allowed out on work-release and it appears Dona Alba (Aurelio’s mother) is her Pre-Trial Services Officer.

I wonder if Dona Alba ever wonders how Corina moved from a Prisoner of War to a Prisoner of Love, and how many more future daughters-in-law will she have to meet and throw wedding showers for.

Meanwhile, La Coronela is battling in a second war:

She is also fighting with “La Doctora,” who is the head of the Venezuelan Embassy in Mexico and is very busy selling off the parts of Venezuela that La Coronela hasn’t already promised to Cuba.

They are fighting (I think) for the Cuban President, Presidente El Commandante. Ambar is wooing him with more gold from Venezuela, and La Doctora (aka “Lady In Red” is wooing him by letting him hang out in the Venezuelan Embassy, wearing only red, and giving him lots of coffee and very comfortable chairs to sit around in.

My money is on La Doctora because even though Ambar is a Coronela, she is already using a lot of resources to fight with Corina for Aurelio, and everyone knows you can’t fight a war on two fronts!

We are also very excited about the upcoming appearance of Maria Conchita Alonso as a New York City Prosecutor who is about to extradite Aurelio.

And I hope it’s not just because she needs a date to a wedding.

This is a fantastic series! With tough, smart, scary, and of course beautiful women!

Why watch something that’s “like” a telenovela when you can watch The Real Thing???

If you haven’t watched it before, check your pulse.

Season 6 is currently on Telemundo, and you can catch up from Season 1 on Netflix!

Wherever You Were For The Very Grand Finale Of “Al Otro Lado Del Muro,” That Was The Place To Be!

I hope you were there for the Great Very Grand Finale Of The Telemundo SuperNovela Al Otro Lado del Muro!

Where?? You ask?

Well, you could have started in Miami, where Sofia & Joel & Patrick & Agent Garcia rescued Alondra and lots of other poor girls from a Sex Slave Auction that was the centerpiece of a Masquerade Ball, like Trivial Pursuit is the centerpiece of my parties.

Or you could have been in L.A., where a busy, insane and tireless Jennifer drugged Eliza and escaped from the Asylum For The Criminally Insane, and then tricked Eliza into coming over, and then attacked her with a baseball bat, and then tried to drown her, and then, when Andres and Max rescued Eliza, Jennifer tried to yell Eliza to death.

Or, you could have been in the Women’s Prison with Paula, where the other inmates were beating her to death since she had sold most of their daughters.

Or you could have been on a Florida Beach with Sofia and Joel, where Joel gave Sofia the Pardon for the Crime She Never Committed, and just as they were about to celebrate their long-awaited honeymoon, Sofia saw a creepy old man hitting on a 3rd grade girl, and ran over to confront him and save the girl, at which point Joel realized that the Honeymoon Is Over.

Or you could have been at Interpol watching Agent Garcia accepting an award for breaking up The World’s Biggest Human Trafficking Ring, and signing a lot of Overtime slips.

Or you could have been at an Infinity Pool somewhere in the Caribbean with Ernesto, cool as a cucumber in linen, ordering an icy-cold beer that was delivered by an ice-cold Patrick who was finally allowed to arrest him.

Or you could have been in Boyle Heights, at the wedding of Eliza and ANDRES!!!!! Yay!!!!!!! Max may have come out strong out of the gate, but 10 years is a long time to be afraid of your wife.

And letting the Bone Marrow Transplant continue at the scary Dollar Store clinic really was the last straw.

Plus Andres can do everything important: sitting around staring languidly into space like a hungry supermodel is not his thing.

In fact, Andres made a great speech comparing love to making bread, and who doesn’t love bread?!

I loved Litzy in this series, and I’ve seen her get married a lot! But she never looked as beautiful at any of her other novela weddings as she looked in #AlOtroLadoDelMuro!

I think they are all packing up and moving back to Mexico, so her mother Carmen can continue to yell at her without traveling to San Diego every time she wants to tell her something.

Carmen, BEST GRANDMOTHER EVER, found Frida rebuilding her career without those sleazy pimp/managers, and invited her to the wedding, so Tomas and Frida could reunite, which they did.

In front of everyone.

Charlie was invited to the wedding too (without either of his parents of course), and he and Rodrigo were busy plotting something that I hope doesn’t hurt either one of them.

Or, you could have been like me, on my couch in Chicago, watching the end with an eye on a clock that was going way too fast, and wishing it could go on forever!

This novela was wonderful, and I hate to see it end!

I loved these characters and the story, and it’s hard to say GOODBYE to them!!

Thank you Laura Sosa Pedroza for such a fantastic novela!!

And thank you to a great cast that included Marjorie De Sousa Litzy Gabriela Vergara, Adriana Barraza, Gabriel Porras, Uriel Del Toro, Guillermo Ivan, Ed Trucco, Christopher Millan, Khotan, Noah Rico, Gael Sancheztv, Gustavo Pedraza

And A Cast Of Thousands!!!!!

And a special thanks to Joaquín Fernández and his team for the fantastic music, Luisa Ibanez for her tireless work on behalf of the show, and everyone at Telemundo who works so hard to make these shows as great as they are!