CAN THESE REVENGE MARRIAGES BE SAVED?

CAN THESE REVENGE-MARRIAGES BE SAVED??

That is the central question posed by the return, 20 years later, of the extremely popular telenovela “Pasion de Gavilanes” which is Spanish for “Passion of the Hawks.” (I don’t know much about nature, but that sounds like something you never want to get in the middle of.)

I don’t know who came up with the idea of revisiting a 20-year old telenovela for a second season, but whoever it was deserves a Nobel Prize.

I’d like to see this happen for every single telenovela I ever watched!
And after that idea runs it’s course, I’d like to see how everyone who was ever killed in a telenovela carries on in the Afterlife. The possibilities are endless!

This Second Season of PDG is the ultimate “Where Are They Now, and What Do They Look Like?”
Well, let’s clear that up right now: If you were hoping that some of the characters gained weight or lost hair, (or ideally both) you can forget that idea right now.

This is a telenovela, so by law, the actors have to be the best-looking people on the planet.
20 years later, they are only better-looking.
So much so that I can’t tell the original cast apart from their teenage children.
They all look like they are college sophomores on their way to a fun Frat party.

In the original show, the 3 Reyes Brothers married the 3 Elizondo sisters to get revenge on the girls’ mother, the battle-axe Mrs Elizondo, because Mrs Elizondo drove the pregnant Reyes sister (who had been having an affair with Mr Elizondo, who was killed in a horse accident) to commit suicide.

I was never sure how marrying Mrs Elizondo’s daughter constituted revenge for the Reyes boys, unless they were thinking about her having to foot that big catering bill and also having to go shopping for 3 wedding dresses, not to mention the seating arrangements.

For as high and mighty as Mrs Elizondo was, she was hiding a delicious secret:
She had forced her daughter Norma to marry a Very Bad Guy named Fernando, and then forced Norma and Fernando to live on the ranch with her because Mrs Elizondo and Fernando were having a super-torrid affair which was fueled by the fact that Norma would not have sex with her own husband Fernando. Not because she knew about the affair but because she was haunted by a rape.

Well when the 3 Reyes Brothers (assuming false identities) show up on the Elizondo ranch, ostensibly to build a cabin on the property, the 3 Elizondo Sisters do not know that since their dead father had fathered a child with the dead Reyes sister they are all practically related in a way that cannot be understood unless you’re really good at algebra.

Of course all of the Reyes/Elizondo couples fall in love and Mrs Elizondo is somehow forgiven, and after overcoming a lot of obstacles, including the super-sexy and super-persistent nightclub singer Rosario Montes, Love Conquers All By Marrying It or Killing It.

So now it’s 20 years later (in Season 2) and the 3 Happy Couples don’t seem so happy (except for Norma and Juan), who still swoon over each other, and ride horses everywhere, even to court.
Where they have to go after their twin sons (who no one seems to like very much), are accused of kidnapping and murdering a local, popular schoolteacher.
When people are killed in a telenovela, popularity counts very much, which was an idea I always tried to incorporate into my murder trials when I was a prosecutor.
No matter how old we get, we are all still in 7th grade.

I think the key to Norma and Juan’s happy marriage has been their shared love of denim, horses, cowboy hats, and not living with Mrs Elizondo.

As for the other two couples, both marriages are definitely on the rocks:
Franco & Sara are living apart, and Sara glares every time she hears the name of the nightclub singer, so I think she thinks Franco is back with her. They have two teenage kids who seem a lot nicer than the Evil Twins of Norma and Juan.

And as for Jimena and Oscar, Jimena just had a big fashion show in Milan and Oscar still lives on the ranch, so without that mutual bond of Denim, and no kids, I’m not sure if this Revenge Marriage can sustain itself.

Meanwhile, the Reyes Twins might be getting out on Home Monitoring for the murder, because everyone respects Juan, abd his ability to keep his kids locked up on the ranch.

Everyone of course except for the teacher’s son, who is leading the townspeople against the release, which makes Juan nervous because he has a dream where the townspeople turn against him and act just like the villagers in “Frankenstein.”

I’m prepared to hate the Reyes Twins as much as just about every other character in the show does, but I’m not sure what the evidence is against them yet:
So far, I think it’s a tip, and the “Everybody Knows” standard, as in “Everybody Knows you two hated the teacher because he gave you well-deserved bad grades.”

Again, when I was a prosecutor, the “Everybody Knows” standard was a new standard for the Burden of Proof I lobbied for. Hard.
If only I could have used that, instead of the super-annoying “Beyond A Reasonable Doubt,”
I could have spent more time in my office smoking, drinking vats of Diet Coke, making plans for what I was going to do that night.

And Rosario the Nightclub singer is back in town, with a tiny, annoying German butler named “Gunter,” who follows her everywhere with her bottle of wine and portable tumbler, and the only time he’s not with her is when he’s plotting against her.
Rosario plans on bringing the old nightclub back to town!
Can’t wait for Franco to hear about the Grand Opening!!

Watch the next episode tonight and read all about it the next day here!

Back Then…
…And now!

PANIC AT THE DISCO, aka “BUSCANDO A FRIDA”

“LOOKING FOR FRIDA?” – “BUSCANDO A FRIDA”

So last night was one part of a Double-Header Premier night from Telemundo, and the new MysteryNovela is “BUSCANDO A FRIDA,” which means “Looking For Frida.”
I’m already hooked, and I’m going to guess that after a few episodes we will learn so much about Frida and her Family that we will wonder why they are not grateful she’s gone.

That’s a Novela I’d like to see one day – “We’re Grateful She’s Gone.” Basically, in my version, a teenage girl disappears and her family spends the rest of the show trying to keep her gone.

So in BAF, basically, Frida is a teenage girl who leaves her father’s birthday party early to go to the disco with her cousins, and disappears from there.
The only clues to her disappearance are that her phone and red cold-shoulder disco dress are found in a park in Mexico City (where they live), and she also made-out like crazy with one of her male cousins while the other male cousin spied on them jealously, and her female cousin danced alone and complained later that she thought Frida was staging the whole “disappearance” for attention, which seems odd because if there’s one thing Frida has no shortage of, it’s attention.
Or bad cousins.

Frida’s father, Mr Pons,left his own birthday party to take Frida and her cousins to the disco, which seemed ok with him.
I found this very odd because they live in Mexico City, and I lived in Mexico City for awhile, and if there’s one thing I know about Mexico City (besides the abundance of delicious Tacos Pastor), I don’t care where you are going or what time you’re going- you are going to be stuck in traffic. Forever.
When I lived in Chicago I was pretty much always late for everything, but when I lived in Mexico City I was always early, but that’s because I always added two extra hours to however long Uber said it took to get there so I would not be late.

So I’m not sure what kind of daughter asks her father to leave his birthday party to drive her to the disco in Mexico City, but if that was my daughter I’d think her disappearance would add years to my life.

The fact that Mr Pons was willing to leave his party and get back into Mexico City traffic to drive the teen cousins to the underage disco tells you one of two things:

  1. The adults at the party couldn’t wait to get rid of the teenagers; or
  2. The adults at the party were so boring that being stuck in traffic was better than being stuck spending more time with them.

I vote for #2 and here’s why:
Mr & Mrs Pons, their three daughters, and housekeeper live in a gigantic house in the middle of a big park, and the other two houses belong to Mr Pons’ sisters and their families.
And it looks like they are all together all of the time, which might be why Frida and her cousin seem to be in love.
(It’s a little of “Flowers In The Attic,” except the Kissing Cousins are in 3 pretty big mansions inside of a big park inside of the biggest city in the world. So they do have other options.)

So if I’m Mr Pons, and I’m spending another night (my birthday) with my sisters and their husbands again, I might volunteer to drive the kids into the city too.

Mr Pins is clearly a Captain of Industry, and his sisters are like his Lieutenants, and their husbands are like enlisted men. Which I predict causes no small amount of tension, because the husbands are like the Invited Guests at the Officer’s Club, but their wives are members, so they have more privileges and sign for everything. This means that the husbands have to pretend to like their wives even more than they have to pretend to like their brother-in-law.

Mrs Pons stays home and pretends to help her housekeeper run her house.

When Mrs Pons and one of her sisters-in-law goes to the disco to pick up Frida and the cousins, it might be a good thing Frida is missing because I’m not even sure where they would all fit.
Plus, with the cousin make-out that happened that the other cousin saw, the tension level in that car was going to be fierce.
Plus, it was going to be a super-tight fit, which could go either way.
Better that Frida disappeared, and one cousin was stoned out of his mind when his aunt found him sleeping in the Ladies Room.

The whole family is now sad and frantic, and probably wouldn’t be cheered up at the bright side, which means a lot less driving.

Mr Pons is so powerful that their own detective has been assigned to Frida’s disappearance, and we can tell Det. Cabrera is very troubled because he has a punching bag in his cool loft, and a dog who spends most of his day watching him punch the heavy bag.
And that’s pretty much it.

Plus, Det. Cabrera has the kind of haircut that a wife or girlfriend would never tolerate, unless of course they wanted to make sure other women looked the other way. I think that his haircut might be inspired (or caused by) quarantine, but because there was is no social distancing happening in the show, I’m guessing the series was filmed pre-Covid, which means that there’s no excuse for his haircut other than the fact he is a troubled bachelor who is too troubled to get a decent haircut.

Det Cabrera is a detective unlike any detective I have ever seen (and I’ve seen a few) because he drives his own car everywhere, and never talks to his partner about where they are going to eat lunch.

So he’s assigned to The Disappearance of Frida, and as soon as he met the Pons family he fell in love with Mrs Pons.
And her with him.
The disappearance of her daughter might have slowed her down a bit, but I’m pretty sure we will watch their romance unfold faster than the Missing Person’s Case he’s opened.

At the end of yesterday’s episode, Mrs Pons spotted Frida’s Red Disco dress at the same park where her phone had been found.
And Mr Pons got a chilling phone call from someone who claims to have Frida.
Since it was just the first episode, it seems unlikely he really does have Frida, unless BAF is setting a record for the shortest telenovela in history.

“Buscando A Frida” is an updated, new version of one of my favorite novelas “Donde Esta Elisa?,” which was a remake of a Chilean novela of the same name.
The original series is more than 10 years old, so there’s lots of space for changes and new material!
Perhaps the entire case will be solved on Toc Toc, so I can finally learn what that is.

The series was created by Pablo Illanes and this version was written by Sandra Velasco.
The series has great genes.
And so does the does the cast.
Everyone is beautiful, which always adds tension.
In a family this good-looking, no one is taking a back seat to anyone, or letting the mysterious disappearance of anyone interfere with their spa appointments, Keratin treatments or Pilates.

I’m going to be watching and telling you all about it, and I hope you’ll join me for this new fun ride from Telemundo!

buscandoafrida

telemundo

@TLMDPR @

Searching For Frida

I Make Mistakes In México So You Don’t Have To…

I had never before been to Mexico,

I don’t speak much Spanish,

I don’t know The Metric System.

So why not move to Mexico from Chicago to write the Telenovela of my dreams?

What could go wrong….

Listen to my podcast to learn all about my mistake-filled life here, and please give it a great rating even if you have to lie!!

Gracias!!

#podcasts

#mexico

#telenovelas

#travel

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-mexican-mistake-s/id1474401635

My Mexican Mistake(s)

I moved here to Mexico City on June 1, 2019, inspired by my love of telenovelas!

And I’d never been to Mexico before a day in my life!

And now I’m making lots of mistakes here, so you don’t have to!

The podcast is now on Apple, Spotify, Anchor and lots of other platforms. It’s somewhat awkward, very silly, occasionally funny, and always commercial-free!

Please give it a listen and a high rating, even if you have to lie.

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-mexican-mistake-s/id1474401635

Not One Decorating Or Travel Tip Here. No Recipes Either.

Why You Need to Stop Decorating And Watch “La Reina del Sur 2” on Netflix

One of my favorite series, “La Reina del Sur 2” is now on @netflix everywhere, and coming soon to @telemundointl here in Mexico!

Only GOT beats it in the ratings, which isn’t surprising because basically LRDS is a NarcoNovela GOT, with it’s own cool acronym too.

There is a lot of driving in #lrds2 – and oddly some of it is by a ten-year old girl driving a Cadillac through the winding streets of Tuscany.

You’ll see things in this great series you’ve never seen before, including American actor (and Julia Roberts’ brother) Eric Roberts, speaking worse Spanish than I do.

The show has a wonderful cast, great music (thanks to @flaviomedinal and his back-up singers @robertowoficial & @lincpal) and is a lot of fun and a Truly Excellent Adventure. @calvatwitt as

“Batmancito” is going to break your heart, plus there’s nothing more fun than watching him argue with a ten-year old. Humberto Zurito is a blast as “The Narco Who Would Be President.”

The only real danger of his Presidency would be that Cabinet meetings could get confusing because he calls everyone “Mijo.”

Watch @reinadelsurtv on @Netflix for a very good time!!

#lrds #netflix #gringanovelera

The Most Meta- Moment In My Life? Easy. I Was A Character In A Telenovela!!

All I wanted to do was learn Spanish from watching a telenovela- and somehow I became a character in one!!

As the hit FashionRomanceTelenovela “Betty En New York” has come to an end with SPECTACULAR ratings, things are just starting to heat up here in Mexico City, where the ratings for this fun and funny show are always #1 in it’s time slot.

Could these fantastic ratings be because I am actually a character in the show, thanks to Sandra Velasco, Luis Mi, Alejandro Vergara, Valentina Del Rosario Parraga and Lizandra Parra!

Yes, “Sofia” is represented in her divorce by Marcela’s good friend, “the Best Lawyer in the USA, “Karen Kerbis from Chicago!”

My favorite part of being a lawyer in this Novela is that just as it was when I actually was a lawyer in Chicago, my advice comes from watching telenovelas, because “Law and Order” was too unrealistic.

Here I am!!

I’m “Karen Kerbis, the Lawyer from Chicago!!”

Of course, I was very lucky to be played by the wonderful actress Lizandra Parra!

And doubly-lucky to have Amaranta Ruiz for my client!!! ❤️❤️

I will never forget that this happened to me!!

Muchas muchas gracias!!

????

“Santa Diabla” Is On Again In México!!!

Hello! Today is Sunday July 21 and I’m coming to you LIVE from Mexico City!!

As most of you know I moved here from Chicago about six weeks ago to write the telenovela of my dreams, having been so inspired by the telenovelas I started watching just a few years ago. At first, it was just a crazy experiment, one of the many dangers of living in Chicago during a winter of Thundersnow.

But almost immediately, telenovelas, and writing about telenovelas, became my true passion and eventually led me here, to live in Mexico.

The first telenovela I ever wrote daily summaries about was “Santa Diabla,” by Jose Ignacio “El Chascas” Valenzuela

on Telemundo.

In #SantaDiabla, nothing was as it seemed, and that was not because I didn’t speak Spanish! The plot of “Santa Diabla” was that a woman named Santa Martinez pretended to be a woman named “Amanda Braun,” so she could marry Humberto Cano (and basically into the whole mean and crazy Cano family) in order to obtain her revenge on him and his family for framing her beloved husband Willy for rape and killing him in prison, but then right after Santa married Humberto, she met his saxaphone-playing, perenially-sad brother Santiago, and fell in love with him.

And then things became super-complicated and mysterious and funny after that.

I never missed one episode of the novela and

I wrote summaries of the show every night!

I did that all on my original Facebook page called “La Gringa Novelera,” and my real name was nowhere to be found.

After Santa Diabla ended, I continued to write about telenovelas daily.

A couple of years after I started, Facebook, even though they helped Russia help elect Trump, took a firm stand on my Facebook page, and insisted I change the Page to my name, so I did.

My telenovela-sensei Irma Lopez had the foresight to help me save my old posts chronicalling “Santa Diabla,” and I found them recently!

And now that here in Mexico, Telemundointl is showing “Santa Diabla” again, I thought I’d resurrect these old posts that I wrote about the show, timing them to the episode that’s playing .

The series just started about two weeks ago, and here’s what’s happened so far:

Santa, pretending to be Amanda, has already married Humberto, drugged him during their honeymoon so she could escape and go visit her son in the hospital, fallen in love with his brother Santiago, got her mom a job as a maid in the Cano house but no one knows it’s her mom; got her sister-in-law Paula a job as a legal secretary at Humberto’s law firm but no one is supposed to know they are related, the idea being to destroy the Cano family from the inside-out.

Meanwhile, Humberto’s sex-machine mistress Lisette is back in town, with their 18-year old son Ivan who Humberto just met for the first time. Meanwhile, another guy in town named Arturo who’s terrified of his racist mother who I call Mrs. Trump, but still wants her to support him, is too afraid to tell his mother that his girlfriend Mara is African-American, so he proposes to Lisette because his mother promised him a lot of money if he’d settle down and get married and give her a grandchild. Even though Lisette is Humberto mistress and lives off of the men she’s involved with, she is a more acceptable daughter-in-law to Mrs. Trump that Mara, who is beautiful, kind, hard-working, honest but African-American.

And in another part of town, The Robledo Family, BFF’s and law-partners with the Canos, have their own set of problems in the form of the madcap and sociopath daughter “Ines,” who is my favorite character on the whole show. Ines has also just returned from somewhere (The Psychiactric Ward?), and instantaneously fell in love with Santiago Cano, except Santiago is already madly in love with Amanda/Santa, who just married his brother Humberto.

Ines was played by the great Ximena Duque – who stole the whole show!!!!!

Got it??????????

Don’t worry – you will!!!

So I am going to try to re-post each one of these old posts to follow along with the series in repeats here in Mexico.

I am not changing or fixing anything, except for typos.

I missed a lot as I wrote my daily summaries of the show a few years ago, and got a lot of things wrong. But I think that made it fun and funny for me!

Let’s see how this experiment goes….

——————————————————————–

(From 21 August 2013)

Hola y buenos noches!

Ok, so “Santa Diabla” was very good tonight, but tomorrow looks even better because it involves a very telling DVD played at the Grand Opening of Humbertp’s new club, with all of the Cano (synonymous with “evil, except for Santiago) family and friends there, so this will cause much embarrassment for the Cano clan! I don’t know what’s on the DVD, but it’s gonna be good!!

Jorge (pronounced “George,” as per George) continues to try to kill his poor (but rich) father-in-law Mr Cano with poisoned Scotch, but Mr Cano knows something is up, so he poured a big glass for George too, poured one for himself, and made a toast. George panicked, dropped his tumbler full of poison scotch, and ran out of the room!

Mr Cano then smiled, and said something I did not understand any of because I DON’T SPANISH!!

For the same exact reason, I cannot tell if Barbara Cano (George’s wife and Humbertos sister) is in on the plot to murder her father.

Humberto and Santa have been married for about 72 hours, and already she has drugged him to get away to visit her secret son who was sick in the hospital, and made out with his brother Santiago at least twice.

But she can be forgiven because she only married Umberto to destroy his family to avenge her husband’s false imprisonment and true murder at the hands of most of the Cano family.

On the other hand, Umberto has already hooked up with his treacherous former mistress and mother of his (grown) son, the always-evil Lisette.

Who is supposed to marry Albert…

————————————————————–

Can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow!!

My Favorite Street In México City

What’s better than a big street that goes in a big circle??

Here’s Episode 3 of my new podcast!

https://anchor.fm/karen-kerbis/episodes/Theres-Nothing-Better-Than-A-Big-Street-That-Goes-In-A-Big-Circle-e48o75

Hello From México!!

Yes, I’ve moved to Mexico!!

Five years ago, I thought I might try to learn Spanish from watching telenovelas!

Five years later, I have left my job (Cook County Assistant State’s Attorney in Gang Crimes), my home (Chicago), and my family and friends (am I crazy?) to move to Mexico City to write the Telenovela of my Dreams!!

And now, I’m doing a Podcast from here!! It’s called “My Mexican Mistake(s)” and I’ve recorded two episodes so far!!

Here’s the link!

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4Z0OCurC484Zac6YdkX8cB?si=c2pJOTKDREGfFqDWfTgjfA

More to come!! https://open.spotify.com/episode/4Z0OCurC484Zac6YdkX8cB?si=c2pJOTKDREGfFqDWfTgjfA

There’s No Law Lesson Like A Telenovela Law Lesson!

Are you watching “Falsa Identidad” on Telemundo?

Because it’s a lot of fun, plus you could learn a lot about the law! Which is basically the opposite of law school.

So Circe and her friend wanted to scare the Battle-Axe on the right, I guess because she’s about to expose Camila and Diego for stealing her identity.

Part of her identity is being mean and unpleasant, but remember that Diego and Camila were on the run from the even more mean and unpleasant Gavino when Diego’s Brother The Mayor and his Guy El Salas gave Camila her identity. (If Diego has The Mean Woman’s Husband’s Identity, he will want to get out of that relationship right away!)

So Circe and her friend dressed up like maids to pay a visit to the REAL Camila to “scare” her.

I’ll be honest- if Circe showed up in my hotel room I’d be terrified, and I’d double my tip.

Circe’s co-worker accidentally on purpose killed the woman by stabbing her in the neck.

They dragged her into the shower and left her to be found, thinking it would look like a suicide, because I guess in Circe’s world, people frequently stab themselves in the neck to avoid talking to her, her father and/or Joselito.

Well, The Real Camila was found by her friend on the left, and even though all he did was find her, he was promptly arrested for Murder!

As a former prosecutor, if the standard for proof is that low, I would love to be a Prosecutor in Novelaville! I might have won more often!

But I’ll tell you what: If the standard for proof is that low, remind me to never tell the police about any dead bodies I may come across in my travels.

This poor guy is now charged with Murder!

I want to be his lawyer and here is why: It’s SUPER easy apparently!

When this guy asked the detective for his lawyer, the detective stopped questioning him, which is very good behavior by the detective.

When he returned to the Interrogation Room a few minutes later, the prisoner asked “Where’s my lawyer??”

The detective took the lawyer’s card out of his pocket, with a message to the prisoner on the back of the card that told him to “Plead Guilty to Avoid The Death Penalty.”

That’s it!!

If lawyers here see this bit, they will be ordering new business cards by the truckload! ????

Join me on my journey learning Spanish from telenovelas on Telemundo!! I’m about to move to Mexico City!!

S