If This Is What Witness Protection Is, Where Do I Sign Up??

Did you watch Al Otro Lado del Muro on Telemundo last night?

First of all no one was more surprised than Patrick to see a very much alive Sofia storm out of Agent Richie Garcia’s Office last night, with Joel right behind her, demanding a beer.

A beer is just what this great episode deserved!!

Apparently, here’s what Joel learned in a meeting with the FBI and Sofia, once he could stop yelling long enough to listen. He was very upset because Sofia was supposed to be dead.

After 10 years at the FBI, Sofia takes a backseat to no one, and yelled right back at Joel, and then they both blamed Richie, who was in the unenviable position of being a cross between a matchmaker and a divorce lawyer.

So for the past ten years, Sofia has been living in L.A., working at the FBI as an undercover officer, rescuing victims of human trafficking, photographing her daughter Alondra as she grows up, andhelping to build the Human Trafficking case against that really tall senator whose Spanish is even worse than mine.

Sofia is sticking with her “confession” that she killed Joel’s sister and single-handedly ran the Human Trafficking Ring, but after the attempt on her life while she was on her way to be executed, she agreed to go into Witness Protection because Richie knows she is innocent despite her protests that she is guilty, which is pretty much the opposite of the way things work in law enforcement.

All the while, she has been living in a beautiful, white-on-white loft with lots of exposed brick, a darkroom/studio/exhibit space, with subway tile in the kitchen.

I wondered if part of Witness Protection includes a new identity for Sofia as a hip, edgy artist, and if the FBI got her a book deal too.

I also hoped that none of my own witnesses are watching the series because they’d want that loft too.

Who is signing the expense vouchers in this case??

At first, Joel angrily rejected the idea of working with Sofia and Agent Garcia, and can you blame him?

Sofia still insists she killed his sister, even though Joel is the only one who believes that mishegoss anymore.

Richie tells Joel he’s gotten to know Sofia pretty good in the past ten years, and she’s not capable of killing anyone, and that Sofia has done a great job building the Trafficking case, which must be how Sofia pays the rent on that loft I’m still stuck on.

Meanwhile, I continued to wonder what supervisor in the FBI was still authorizing overtime and rent receipts on Sofia’s SuperCool loft and will she hire me, or in the alternative, whether I could somehow get into this witness protection program?

At the end, Joel decided he’ll join the team, if only for the opportunity to kill Sofia himself.

And now Sofia says she’ll never work with Joel.

They are sort of like the Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton of the FBI, and Poor Agent Garcia is like the head of the studio trying to hold the production together.

Meanwhile… in Mexico,

My favorite new character Don Carlos, who seems to be the REAL King of Mexico, broke the news to Ernesto and Paula that he can’t run for President, and is better suited to an Ambassadorship, where he can get drunk every day, behave as badly as he wants, and rack up millions of dollars in parking tickets.

This job has Ernesto’s name all over it, (and sounds pretty good to me too), but Ernesto wants to be El Presidente.

He feels he’s killed enough people to get there, and it’s his time.

Don Carlos is pretty persuasive, but the meeting was cut short when Julian called with an emergency; the emergency being that his girlfriend overdosed on what I think was Molly, and threw herself off the balcony.

Still wearing Julian’s tie.

Or should I say ONLY wearing Julian’s tie.

I guess he’s not in bow-ties anymore…

Julian is in big trouble unless Ernesto can cover it up.

And if he can’t, Paula can just kill anyone who annoys them.

And Eliza??

She had it out with Max and threw him out of The Bakery.

Max thinks that the father of her youngest son Rodrigo is Andres The Carpenter, but Rodrigo knows better, since there are (or were) photos of Max all over the house, and he’s a smart kid.

Well, at the very least he’s smarter than his older brother Tomas, who has agreed to hide the $30,000 his friend stole from the local gang while they were sleeping.

And how will Jennifer punish Eliza now, for having a second family with Max AND for turning down the invite to visit with Rodrigo because Charlie and Rodrigo are friends (also brothers), and also because Jennifer doesn’t realize that “Mrs Romero” is also “Mrs Sullivan?”

This can all only Break Bad, until of course, it Breaks Good!

Don’t miss a minute of this series!!

If I Was A Better Lawyer I Would Be Playing The Prosecutor In The Telenovela “Al Otro Lado Del Muro!!”

Last night’s episode of Al Otro Lado del Muro on Telemundo was the very definition of Must See TV, and if Telemundo would ever steam the entire run of the show I think viewers would end up literally glued to their couches, having not moved for approximately 100-120 hours.

First of all, I’m very proud that I had a tiny bit of input on Sofia’s confession and what’s coming NEXT by answering a few questions for the show’s writer Laura Sosa Pedroza about the criminal justice system in the USA!!

Watching the show last night, I felt that law school and 20 years in the business had FINALLY paid off!!!

While I watched the scene where Sofia confessed, I thought I should have included a clause in my contract where I play the prosecutor,

but then I remembered that there was no contract, and even if there had been one, I don’t know where the “clauses” go, or what a “clause” actually is.

I am not that kind of a lawyer.

Alright, now let’s get down to last night’s episode!

Sofia is the best evidence that a Beauty Queen can still be the smartest person in the room.

When she didn’t make any headway with Joel from Interpol, she called for the FBI.

Not only did she realize that it’s the the FBI, not Interpol, who is the police department who can get things done in the USA, but also she somehow knew that the FBI agent assigned to her case was going to be the very handsome and smart “Richie Garcia” played by one of my favorites, Christopher Millan !

Unfortunately, before Agent Garcia could meet up with Sofia and the prosecutor for what I would have described as a “proffer,” – a meeting to see what evidence Sofia could offer against others in exchange for leniency – Sofia had another visit from the always unwanted Paula.

Since Paula’s Boss and Boyfriend The Governor is now perpetually drunk and mooning over the loss of Sofia (even though he’s the one who framed her),

and since the Corrupt Congressman in the USA is now Confined to Quarters,

it’s once again left to Paula to get the job done,

especially since Los Pinos is breathing down the Governor’s neck, and not in a good way.

Plus, the Congressman has someone on the inside who told him that Sofia was asking to speak to the FBI.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Who could that Inside Man be??

So Sofia is escorted into the jail Visiting room reserved for visitors from Mexico who are visiting Sofia for the purpose of torturing her, and there is Paula.

Paula is a pragmatist – an evil pragmatist, but a pragmatist for sure.

One thing I love about Paula (even though I hate her) is that she never makes small talk.

In fact, I’ll bet that Paula has not once in her whole life ever discussed the weather, or sports scores, and I can tell you from experience could not survive a Baby Shower.

Anyway, so Paula is there to cut a deal with Sofia:

Confess to it all – the murder of Joel’s sister, the Human Trafficking – all of it, take the Governor out of it, and in exchange?

What’s in it for Sofia?

Paula will not tell the Governor where Alondra is, and will leave Eliza to raise her as her own.

And if Sofia doesn’t confess?

Then Paula will not only ship Alondra to Thailand, she’ll take Eliza’s daughter too.

For Sofia, there was no choice.

Next up for Sofia was her meeting with the FBI and prosecutor, to which Joel was invited, but told to keep quiet. The prosecutor pointedly reminded Joel that he had no jurisdiction there.

The prosecutor is correct, but I wanted someone to remind her a California prosecutor does not have jurisdiction over a murder in Mexico either.

So maybe she should have piped down herself and let the only person in that room with any jurisdiction over anything, FBI Agent Garcia, take over!!

No one in that Visiting Room was prepared for Sofia’s confession, which included killing Joel’s sister, running the Human Trafficking Ring out of her father’s ranch in Mexico, and even hacking the 2016 Presidential election.

And of course now that she was confessing to all of these things, Joel didn’t believe her at first, and rejected her confession,

but I think he eventually came around during their later, private meeting when she really sold it, a quality she learned as a pageant contestant.

The prosecutor was very unhappy with the confession, because now, as a witness to the confession, she can’t try the case, and lost the opportunity for scene visits to Mexico.

Agent Garcia was very skeptical of the confession, because he knows that a confession is almost never that easy to obtain. It will happen, but not before some pop, cigarettes, potato chips, McDonald’s and pizza.

And a bit of cat and mouse.

But in #AlOtroLadoDelMuro, Sofia walked into the room, fired her lawyer (a good thing because he was also Pastrana’s lawyer), and confessed to everything.

Everything.

Then she called Eliza and asked her to raise her daughter Alondra, because she was going to be locked up for awhile.

“Awhile” is one way to put it, if “Awhile” is another way to say “Forever” in Spanish.

Remember, she confessed to the pre-meditated, cold-blooded murder of a pregnant journalist because the pregnant journalist was about to expose her human trafficking ring of little girls.

I guess now that she is representing herself, she’s going to have to throw herself on the Mercy of the Court, and hope that Mercy has a big, cushion-y forgiving, lap.

And meanwhile, in other happenings on this great show, Steve barely remembers his wife, has no memory of his son, but can’t forget Eliza, who visited him when he had amnesia.

Max, Steve’s brother-in-law and Eliza’s husband, is doing a pretty good job of forgetting Eliza and the two kids he has with Eliza, as he and his Evil Battle-Axe of a Wife (his OTHER wife) Jennifer prepare to move to Manhattan.

At Sofia’s direction, Eliza returns the Human Trafficking evidence to Pastrana, who gives it to Paula, who gives it to the Congressman.

Patrick had the unenviable job of explaining to Joel why Pastrana was released without charges after Joel arrested Pastrana when he caught him trying to break into the Bakery/Apartment while Eliza was inside with Alondra, which actually is a Home Invasion.

No witnesses, and no jurisdiction.

If you ask me, since Joel is a witness to at least three different murders committed by Pastrana, including being accountable for the murder of a police officer in L.A., I found Patrick’s answer very suspicious and thought he might have been making it up as he goes along.

Angry as Joel was, Patrick cheered him up when he told Joel that Joel could sit in on Sofia’s proffer.

But I say keep your eyes on Patrick, which is actually pretty easy!

It looks like as Sofia prepares for life in prison, Life Goes On for Governor Ernesto as he publicly distances himself from Sofia and privately has alcohol-fueled empty sex with Paula in his office.

If I was Paula I’d demand a raise.

I cannot wait to watch the Sentencing Hearing, which I hope happens tonight.

Agent Garcia knows something is wrong with Sofia and that confession, Joel seems to accept the confession, and if you ask me, Patrick continues to be the Wild Card.

It is hard for me to evaluate him fairly because he has awesome dimples.

Don’t miss tonight’s episode!

Even A Simple Trip To The Grocery Store Is More Exciting In A Telenovela!

The start of the work-week can be tough, unless of course you watch telenovelas on Telemundo, in which case the start of the week can’t come soon enough!!

Don’t like Mondays?

Think Tuesdays are too tough?

Pobrecita!!

Every weekday is a great day if you watch telenovelas on #Telemundo because it’s just another week of mayhem and madness!

In “Al Otro Lado del Muro,” Sofia is having a Very Big Week so far, starting with running into Joel at the grocery store.

Of course she was at first ecstatic because she thinks that the Amor de su Vida has somehow miraculously found her at the Publix, until she realized that Joel had been convinced by a forged autopsy and lying Congressman that Sofia killed his beloved sister and the sobrino she was carrying.

Paula, Governor Martinez’ personal, private henchwoman, and Pastrana, Paula’s personal, Private henchman, did an excellent job of  building a fake case against poor Sofia, but Joel has disappointed me because he believed a Congressman.

My rule of thumb is to do the opposite of what any Congressman says.

I wish they had met up at the Whole Foods or Mariano’s, two fancy grocery stores in Chicago that have a wine and sushi bar, so that Joel could arrest Sofia under more quasi-date-like conditions.

The guy to keep our eye on in all of this continues to be Patrick, Joel’s Interpol Boss and BFF.

Is he part of the conspiracy or not??

As a seasoned law-enforcement professional, I’ll say this:

Patrick is so handsome I might not care.

Typically, criminals are not that handsome unless they are in telenovelas.

I’ve often thought that their bad looks might account for their criminality, and maybe we should be investing less in prisons and more in plastic surgery.

So as we say, the jury is still out on Patrick.

Meanwhile, we are all waiting to see how Steve recovers from the surgery to remove the aneurysm that might have been keeping him from recovering his memory.

However, even if he does remember he might pretend that he does not, because I’ll bet  Eliza is much nicer than his wife plus she’s an excellent baker.

Faking amnesia is something I’d like to try out, and I don’t know why it doesn’t happen more often. There’s really no downside when you think about it.

And just how did Interpol Joel find Sofia?

In Los Angeles?

With no leads?

Not an address or even a hint of an address, addresses from prior arrests, or a list of known associates?

Only lots and lots of head shots of Sofia, because she is so beautiful and was the First Lady of an Unnamed State in Mexico, so there were plenty of photo ops?

Well, armed with the most flattering photos of Sofia, and a budget with apparently unlimited overtime, Joel and Patrick hit the hot streets of L.A., showing her picture all over the place.

They got lucky when they showed Sofia’s photo to a woman who must have been in line with Sofia at the grocery store, because next thing you know, here comes Sofia, pushing a cart through the parking lot, just like the rest of us mere mortals.

At least Joel did not wait for  Sofia to unload her groceries into the hot car before he arrested her.

That would have been extra-painful.

Sofia could not have been happier when she thought Joel found her in the parking lot, and she was grateful that even though she had only gone to the grocery store, she had put on some lipstick and fixed her hair, remembering her mother’s advice that you should always have lipstick on, even to throw out the garbage, because you never know who you will run into.

However, Sofia’s hopes for a romantic reunion were dashed quickly when Joel put her in handcuffs (although for one moment Sofia worried that Joel might be a fan of “50 Shades…, which would have been a deal-breaker).

While Sofia was trying to understand what was happening, Joel was trying to get her to pipe down so he could give Sofia her Miranda rights without interruption, because believe me, if you ever try to give someone their Miranda rights and they keep interrupting you, you have to start all over again from the beginning or you will forget one.

And in the midst of all of this, there was Pastrana, who appears to be the most valuable member of the Governor’s team, shooting at either Sofia or Joel, or both of them.

Joel tried to capture Pastrana but he escaped with the help of two deadly Sicarios.

At the police station in the Interrogation Room, Joel confronted Sofia with the accusation that she killed his sister, which is definitely a conversation killer.

A stunned Sofia sat silent at first, stunned, sobbing, and of course ultimate denyied the accusation.

I could have told Joel this is not the best way to start questioning someone, if you want to get anywhere.

He should have offered her something to eat and drink, and a cigarette. A good interrogation always begins with good manners.

But Joel was never going to get anywhere with Sofia because The Lawyer No One Called For showed up.

If Joel had ever worked in Chicago he would have known the age-old saying: “You Don’t Want Nobody Nobody Sent For.”

That’s when the alarm goes off!

But he left Sofia alone with The Lawyer She Never Hired. Bad bad move.

Once this lawyer could not get a bond for Sofia, he began asking her about her daughter.

Sofia was already suspicious of him because the day before he suggested she call her daughter.

Now he wanted to know where she was, and it wasn’t to have the 10 year-old Alondra sign the contract.

Sofia realized that it was her husband who hired him!

Without a bond and without her daughter, Sofia will have to await trial in jail.

And meanwhile, her BFF Eliza, worried that Sofia never made it back from the store, went looking for her with Andres The Carpenter.

There was Sofia’s truck, and an excited bagboy to fill them in on what happened.

I’m pretty sure that the groceries were spoiled by the time Eliza and Andres got there.

Meanwhile, Max, married to Eliza, but Emotionally & Unlawfully Restrained by his Other Wife, Jennifer, has been stalking his family with Eliza, sitting in his car and watching them having a great time without him.

And Max’s battle-axe of a wife Jennifer (who would get along great with Andres Battle-Axe of a Wife, Maria) is stalking Max.

To paraphrase the great line from the movie “My Best Friend’s Wedding:”

“But Jennifer, who is stalking  you?”

This series is Absolutely Fabulous!!!

Sent from my iPhone

Eliza Meets The Baddest Of Bad Hombres When She Meets Jennifer, Her Husband’s Gringa Wife!

There is no better hour on television than the Telemundo telenovela Al Otro Lado del Muro!

Here’s what happened last night:

So just as the episode opened, and Sofia thought she was about to escape the motel for the USA, or, if not, then at least for a better hotel, her husband The Evil Governor Ernesto Martinez and his henchmen were on The Other Side Of The Door.

The henchmen took the kids, and Ernesto once again tried to convince Sofia he was innocent.

I’ll tell you what:

Ernesto has a great future in politics because he really is a World Class Liar.

He actually told Sofia that she’s the “Amor de Mi Vida,” the “Love Of my Life,” with a straight face, but she didn’t buy it because she already knew that Paula had picked her to be The Governor’s Wife.

Meanwhile, their kids were bickering between themselves and the henchmen, which made the henchmen wonder why Ernesto was so intent on keeping them.

When Sofia left the motel room, her daughter ran to her, but her rat-bastard of a stepson waited in the car. Too bad.

Because at that moment the sharpshooters with the Mob Boss’ Son showed up and tried to kill Sofia.

Bullets flew everywhere.

I thought they might be trying to kill Ernesto, and so did Ernesto because when you are Ernesto, it’s not unusual that people want to kill you.

But no- that was an assassination attempt on Sofia, who was able to escape with her terrified daughter thanks to the quick thinking and excellent driving ability of Joel.

I love that Joel left the tattle-tale Bow Tie Julián at the motel with his father Ernesto. Joel knows this kid is bad news.

Just like my grandmother used to say about certain people:

“You can tell a bad day from early in the morning.”

Of course, since she said it in Italian, I might not have understood it correctly, just like I could be getting things wrong about this great novela, because there’s a lot to keep up with for me in Spanish!!

So Joel takes Sofia and her daughter to a hidden cabin that his Interpol Chief Patrick finds for them. This cabin is cozy and romantic, and just the perfect place to wind down after a major-shootout, which is how I would promote it on Air BNB.

Once Sofia gets her daughter to sleep, she finds a First-Aid kit in the cabin, and fixes Joel’s bulletwound.

Everyone in a telenovela knows how to fix a bullet wound, even retired Beauty Pageant winners like Sofia. It must be a required class in 7th grade, which is where all “required” classes happen.

After the surgery, Joel and Sofia kiss in front of the fire, which is the perfect way to end their day, after the kidnappings, betrayals and assassination attempt.

That is another feature that would be included in the Air BNB ad for this awesome cabin.

Meanwhile, back in the Governor’s Office, his Chief Of Staff and Girlfriend Paula is seducing the Mafia Boss’ son who ordered the hit on Sofia, but has an impressive work-ethic because he also helped try to kill her.

Paula is willing to overlook what a bad shot he is, judging by the fact she stripped in front of him.

Since I’m still learning Spanish from telenovelas, I can’t figure out if this is what Gov Ernesto wants her to do, or if this is just a side-job for Paula, an insurance policy.

Time will tell, while another associate of theirs, The Elegant and Ultra Evil Juan Estevez (Omar Germenos) sits in jail, a ticking tomb for Ernesto, Paula, The Mob, and their Human Trafficking Business….

Meanwhile, back in L.A., I think that Eliza’s day could be described as “Bad Gringo” day, and for the first time she understood what Trump meant when he used the phrase “Bad Hombres” – he must have meant the Gringos that have Greeted her and her family in L.A.

Because they have been awful!

From the Security Guard who threw Eliza and the kids out of the bus station and kept yelling at the top of his lungs that he didn’t speak Spanish, to the cab driver who stole her phone when he couldn’t steal her money, Eliza had a terrible Gringo day because Max never showed up to pick Eliza and the kids at the bus station, and Steve, his intended emissary, is in a coma somewhere.

Luckily for Eliza, she found the house Max bought for her, and even luckier, that awesome carpenter was at the house doing some last-minute touch-ups to the place, so he could let them in, Welcome them to the USA, and offer to help them find Max.

Sometimes telenovelas are accused of being a bit unrealistic.

Since I am a huge fan of anything that is not realistic, I am ALL-IN on any crazy plot twist anyone throws my way.

But even I cannot accept the complete and utter fantasy that any carpenter or home-repair guy would voluntarily return to the house, without being asked, to do some final-touch ups, and make sure everything is ok.

Nope.

That guy is never coming back unless you scream, yell, beg, and ultimately offer more money.

After Andres, the Best and Most Unusually Cheerful Carpenter Ever, left Eliza and the kids, Eliza thought that her horrible day had finally come to a happy end, until there was a knock at the door…

Eliza happily thought it must be The Missing Max,

but when she flung the door open,

there,

standing on the other side,

was the Scariest Bad Hombre Of All,

Max’s wife Jennifer,

who took a moment from her busy day at the bedside of her dying son

to glare at her husband’s wife.

Uh-oh…

What will happen tonight??????

Bravo!!!!!

And a special Thank You to Joaquín Fernández for the wonderful music in this great series! This song will haunt you forever!

Why Ed Trucco in “Al Otro Lado Del Muro” Now Understands Captain Dobey’s Pain … And Other Telenovela Tragedies…

Que tal!

Did you see last night’s gripping episode of Al Otro Lado del Muro on @Telemundo? It is definitely the fastest hour on television!

Poor Eliza and those kids of hers!

They finally arrive in Los Angeles by bus, and Max is not there to pick them up, the kids are hungry, and Liza’s cell Phone does not work in the USA.

Between the bad food in bus terminals and no phone, this is where I get right back on the bus to Mexico. Let Max find me there.

I’m going back to my mother. And The Bakery.

But Liza is a better person than I am, and so she waits.

And waits…

Meanwhile, two security guards who don’t speak Spanish are getting ready to make a move on her.

Now here is where I get a little angry:

I predict we are going to see some Gringos who do not speak Spanish, or are going to speak Very Bad Spanish.

Why not cast La Gringa Novelera in one of these roles?

No one speaks worse Spanish than me.

I could play any of these roles.

And I already have experience acting in a telenovela.

My 4-seconds in #QuienEsQuien was the most compelling 4-seconds in that series.

I would go the distance in a role requiring Very Bad Spanish, and believe me, I wouldn’t have to go very far.

But I digress…

So the Missing Max has a good excuse for not showing up at the Bus Station – his son with the evil Jennifer was in the hospital and the doctors can’t figure what is wrong with him.

All we know is that his parents were having yet another big fight, and the poor kid collapsed.

My guess is that he’s so tired of listening to his mother trying to hold her marriage together by screaming at his father that she has driven the poor kid into a coma.

Max now needs to stay at the hospital so he can be with his son, and so that Jennifer can continue to yell at him.

So Max sent his brother-in-law Steve (who was on his way to Madrid to try to reunite with his family) to pop-in at the bus station, explain everything to Eliza, and give her a lot of cash.

Steve (Gustavo Pedraza) wasn’t too crazy about this idea, because even though yes, he was in his way to Madrid, he was not going by BUS, so it’s a bit of an imposition. But he agreed to go.

He must be a pretty good packer, because normally on the day anyone is about to travel, there’s no time to go to the bus station, cover for a Missing Dad, and still get to the airport in time to fly to Madrid.

But unfortunately poor Steve was mugged and badly beaten up just before he walked into the bus station. Unconscious, he was taken away by ambulance…

And Eliza and the kids are about to be thrown out of the bus station by a mean Gringo who does not speak Spanish…

Meanwhile, back in Mexico, Sofia has problems of her own- not the least of which are a Human Trafficker of a Husband who is also Governor, and an evil stepson named Julian, who is thwarting her escape plans at every turn.

She should have known Julian could not be trusted when, at the age of 11, he expressed an interest in wearing bow-ties, when he should have been asking for a Metallica t-shirt.

Joel, the Brave and Heartbroken Interpol Agent, showed up at a Governor’s Gala in disguise as either a Hipster or a Rabbi.

As you can imagine, this created just enough confusion at the Gala to give Joel and Sofia enough time to plot her escape, with the help of her Kind And Trustworthy Driver, German.

He’s not German – that’s his name – and he’s played by my friend Hely Ferrigny!

The Governor was interrupted at the Gala by his Human Trafficking Partner’s calls from jail demanding to see him.

So the busy Governor left his fundraiser to go to the jail to visit Juan Estevez, with a confession already written out for him to sign.

A “confession” which of course takes the Governor out of the crime ring.

The Governor promised Juan that if he confessed, after a short time in prison he would send him to Spain.

I’m not sure what the Sentencing Laws are in Mexico, but if Parole includes a trip to Spain, this is an excellent criminal justice system.

Even though Juan is a Human Trafficker, and Spain is beautiful, I admired him when he took the “confession” and threw it in the Governor’s face.

As a disappointed Governor left the jail, confession in hand,

I wondered when had time to write it, but figured he had staffed it out to Paula, who loves nothing more than to compound a crime, when she is not trying to humiliate Sofia or fool around with Sofia’s husband The Governor.

In Illinois, our Governors never visit anyone in prison, but that is because they all end up in prison.

Meanwhile, at first Sofia’s escape seems to be going pretty well:

Since one of the guys in the Governor’s security detail is a former and current hitman who Joel had arrested before, Joel was able to convince him to help get the kids to their mom Sofia, who Joel had stashed in a second-rate hotel, where the elegant and highly-accessorized Sofia stood out like a sore thumb.

If you ask me, Joel should have hidden Sofia at The Four Seasons, where she could hide in plain sight.

Things started to break bad when that twit Julián snuck Sofia’s cell phone into the bathroom and called his dad, to tip him off.

Then poor Patrick, Joel’s Interpol boss who spends half of his workday yelling at Joel for being a rebel, and the other half of the day covering for Joel because he’s his best agent, gets attacked by the Sicario/Bodyguard, and is left for dead.

Patrick, played by Ed Trucco, is like Starsky and Hutch’s constantly worried Lieutenant. He knows he’s lucky to have Joel, but Joel’s UnOrthodox methods (unless he’s posing as a Rabbi) drive him crazy.

I love the scenes between Patrick and Joel (played by Guillermo Ivan) more than any other scenes in this show because they usually speak English, so I can relax a little.

As last night’s episode ended, when Sofia opened the door to her Motel 6 room to escape with her kids into the waiting arms and small private plane of Interpol, The Evil Governor was on the other side of the door.

Now what????????

Don’t miss tonight’s exciting episode!!!

Pretty soon we should be seeing Christopher Millan!!

I Love this series!!

Bravo?????

Everything In Life Relates To “Seinfeld,” Even The Telenovela “Al Otro Lado Del Muro!”

Did you watch the Telemundotelenovela Al Otro Lado del Muro last night? If you did, then you must have been glued to your couch, just like me!!

In fact, I was so paralyzed by what was happening that like Sofia, I was trapped in my own room,

except unlike Sofia, I was not locked in there by my husband, The Governor.

And unlike Sofia, my housekeeper did not bring me a delicious dinner with a hidden cell phone to use.

And unlike Sofia, I did not get a visit from Paula, my husband’s mistress and campaign manager, who gave me permission to leave my room, so she could yell at me.

And unlike Sofia, I am not a former beauty queen who my husband’s mistress choose to be The First Lady based upon a good head shot.

And unlike Sofia, my husband’s mistress would not have me shot in the head if I don’t behave myself.

Sofia had a TERRIBLE day yesterday, and she got absolutely no traction even though she busted wide open the Human Trafficking ring her husband and his friends run.

When she confronted her husband, he denied everything, even though she found the secret papers in his safe that were basically receipts for selling teenage girls to the Cartel.

I’ll give Gabriel Porras this:

He Plays The World’s Greatest Liar so perfectly that he could work for Trump as his new Press Secretary.

Even though I had seen I the meeting between him and the Mob about the Human Trafficking, he almost had ME convinced he wasn’t involved.

To add insult to injury, he sent the kids to his mother’s and locked Sofia in her room, which the entire household staff did not think was unusual at all.

Then, Sofia got the bad news from Paula that not only is Paula The Governor’s First Girlfriend, but the Governor only married Sofia because she was popular, and because Paula picked her over the telenovela actress.

This was remarkable.

The fact that Paula choose Sofia over a telenovela actress not only shows how brave Paula is, but was also DELICIOUS because all of the women in the show are Telenovela Actresses.

I love Meta-Moments like that.

Plus the show was so tense that I needed a little comic relief.

The only bright spot in Sofia’s day were the violets the Interpol agent sent that had a cell-phone hidden inside, so he can help her escape. Plus, I predict it is his first courting gesture.

No one owes a bigger debt to telenovelas than the telephone industry.

You know who betrayed Sofia?Julian, The Governor’s Mini-Me and Child Spy. No one says “Que haces Aqui” as scary as this kid.

If I was Sofia, I’d get Julian a box of Tic Tacs to keep in his pocket, like Elaine gave to “The Sidler” in “Seinfeld,” so she always knew when he was coming.

Eliza had a bad day too:Not only did she leave her mother AND the bakery, to take the kids to L.A. to live with their dad, but she also had a very hard time keeping her son out of her purse every time she wasn’t looking, which is a sure sign of a Bad Seed.

Plus, she must be afraid to fly or something, because Max looks pretty successful and could have definitely afforded the three plane tickets.

Eliza should have flown because then she would have arrived in L.A. two days ahead of something a lot scarier:

Max’s wife.

And their son’s impending illness.

This novela is gripping and excellent, and you don’t want to miss it!!

An Exciting Premiere With Lots Of Chauffeurs!

Did you watch the Very Grand Premiere of the latest telenovela from Telemundo & writer Laura Sosa Pedroza, “Al Otro Lado del Muro?”

It was the fastest hour on television last night, and I didn’t know where to look so I wouldn’t miss anything!!

Here’s the story so far:

Marjorie de Sousa plays “Sofia” the kind and beautiful wife of Ernesto Martinez, Governor of a large state in Mexico.

They have two children, a boy and a girl, but Ernesto prefers his son because he wears bow ties. He’s not too crazy about his daughter because she is a tomboy and smart.

They have a very big house with a lot of cars in front and everyone has their own driver, which has always been my dream.

The chauffeurs are always hanging around out in front while they spy on each other and the family, while pretending to polish their side-view mirrors.

I predict that in this series, instead of the housekeepers knowing what everyone is up to in the house, it will be these chauffeurs, which is a twist I already love.

Governor Martinez is not only the World’s Worst Governor because he is a Human Trafficker who cheats on his wonderful wife with his Social Secretary who thinks she is the First Wife, but he might have a worse Cabinet than Trump:

1. Juan Estevez, (the always awesome Omar Germenos) his partner in Human Trafficking of children, and

2. The Very Tall and Corrupt Senator Irving Cummings of Texas, whose Spanish is worse than mine.

Last night, in the midst of the big birthday gala for Ernesto, where all of their evil friends were in attendance, Sofia gets wind of the fact that her husband and his pals might be involved with human trafficking when the mother of a missing girl keeps trying to get to The Governor to help find her missing daughter.

The mother does not know that all Ernesto has to do to “help” her is to release her daughter (and the hundreds of other kids he’s holding) from the ranch Sofia inherited from her father, but apparently never visits.

I’m not sure why Sofia has abandoned the ranch to begin with, because even if it’s far, she has a driver, so she could go whenever she wants.

The Mother Of The Missing Girl, and an intrepid reporter, keep trying to convince Sofia to help, but what convinces her to check things out is when she catches Gov Martinez and his scary pal Estevez talking about delivering shipments of “little bottles” of wine and tequila.

Since being a Bad Governor keeps Ernesto busy enough, Sofia is certain he is also not a liquor distributor.

To be honest, if this was set in Chicago, Sofia would know that only a busy corrupt politician that has the time, cash and connections to obtain a liquor distributorship.

Sofia sneaks out of her own house (always a bad sign when you have to sneak out of your own house), drives herself out to the her ranch, peers into the window, and sees a lot of teenagers laying around watching tv.

Now, abunch of teenagers laying around watching tv is not that unusual sight anywhere, but since no one lives at the ranch Sofia was very suspicious.

And when she recognized the Missing Girl among them, she realized her husband was involved in the Human Trafficking with his best scary pal, The Guest Who Never Leaves, Juan Estevez.

She is caught by a Very Bad Guy while spying but then saved by a Very Good Guy who is also one of The Chauffers, who she thought was a Very Bad Guy.

Devastated, she gets into a car accident on the way home, and calls her chauffeur German (Hely Ferrigny) to pick her up. I’m not sure if he can be trusted yet, because like the rest of the chauffeurs he is also always outside, pretending to polish his side-view mirror.

I’m prepared to predict today that The Chauffeurs are all going to be very important to this series, as well as very unpredictable!

Now is the time to tell you that in the first minute of the show, we see Sofia and her daughter making a fantastic escape across the Border in a car that drives up a ramp and crosses The Border that way (which I hope keeps Trump up at night) with one of the Chauffers saving her life by shooting a guy that’s about to shoot her.

The rest of the show is told in flashback from a week before that.

Sofia is an excellent stunt driver, considering she never has to drive herself anywhere.

This is a very busy week for Sofia and her caterer, and the show’s other Protagonist “Eliza,” played by Litzy. Stay tuned to this Page:

I’ll tell you all about her story in the next post!

Meanwhile, cancel your plans, set your DVR, and do whatever you need to do to follow this wonderful new telenovela!

And don’t forget to pay extra-special attention to the scenes involving legal issues because I helped!!

Another Telenovela Dream Come True!!

Que tal!

Who knew that when I decided to learn Spanish from telenovelas that one day I’d be consulting on the scripts??

But that’s what’s happened, and that telenovela is “Al Otro Lado del Muro,” which premieres tomorrow night on Telemundo!!

When you watch the show, pay close attention to the law-related scenes, because guess what??

I consulted with the writer Laura Sosa Pedroza (at her invitation!) on the legal issues in the show!!

I always knew being a lawyer would pay off one day – but I never thought it would be by consulting with telenovela writers on legal themes in the script, and being part of a show as exciting as this one!

One of the things I have always loved about telenovelas is how crazy the courtroom scenes are, with people in the audience yelling “Culpable!” and “Mentirosa!!” I also love the law enforcement technique they use of pitting one criminal against the other during an interrogation (although that recently backfired for a certain bad guy in “Jose, Jose” when his co-conspirator called him a liar and slashed his throat in the Interview Room. While the police were unable to solve the original crime they had plenty to work with on the new murder that happened in the police station).

And now, I am a very small part of this crazy world! You will be happy to know that the courtroom scenes in “Al Otro Lado del Muro” will be as exciting as ever, and still almost as if a real lawyer was never consulted, since I am more like a t.v. lawyer anyway.

An added bonus is that I’ve met many of the cast members, and spent a little time on the set, something I would never have thought was possible when I started learning Spanish from telenovelas!

You are going to love Litzy, Marjorie de Sousa and Gabriel Porras in this timely and exciting series, and the supporting cast is unbeatable, including the epic Adriana Barraza.

Let’s watch this show together! I’ll be writing about it here, on Lagringanovelera.me, and on social media @gringanovelera.

And pay close attention to all legal issues because there might be a quiz.