How I Am Learning To Be A Better Prosecutor From Maria Conchita Alonso In “El Senor De Los Cielos: Day 1

I’m no “Julie & Julia,” or Julie OR Julia, but I am a prosecutor in the criminal courts, and I am closely watching a prosecutor in the telenovela “El Senor de Los Cielos.”

That prosecutor is “Nora Requena” played by Maria Conchita Alonso, and she just joined the cast on Monday night.

If you don’t watch telenovelas (Why not??? Better check your pulse!!), you might think a prosecutor is a fairly straightforward character.

You’d be wrong:

In a series where the Venezuelan Ambassador to Mexico spends more time money laundering than serving tea to guests and reading telex’s, and where the Presidente Of México has more orgies in office than Caligula, a prosecutor has many more interesting things to do in the show than prepare Answers to Discovery.

I think I’ll learn a lot from “Nora” and what I’m going to try to do is tell you what I have learned every day, in every episode!


Day 1:

There’s nothing better than a good criminal prosecutor in a telenovela, and if we are lucky, the prosecutor is good because the prosecutor is BAD. As in Very Bad. And the Worse they are, the more fun they are!

Last night the legendary Maria Conchita Alonso debuted as Nora Requena in “El Senor de los Cielos.” In the series, Nora is a New York city prosecutor determined to bring Aurelio to justice. And bring him to New York City, where Nora will take a bite out of crime, and Aurelio will take a bite out of the Big Apple. Will he see justice? That’s anyone’s guess. Will he see the inside of Nora’s apartment? Always a possibility since Nora may be completely unprepared for the power of The Kevorka, a quality Aurelio shares with Kramer from “Seinfeld.”

We were introduced to Nora last night.

Since I am a prosecutor just like Nora, I wanted to see how much I could learn from this character, and believe me, in just a few minutes, I learned a lot and will be doing everything differently from now on.

When we meet Nora she is in a hospital room, at the bedside of a man on a ventilator.

Nora is hiding behind a fan, which she dramatically closes when the doctor and nurse enter the room. Honestly, it never occurred to me to use a fan before, but now I don’t know how I lived for so long without one. A fan is something I could use very effectively in closing arguments, as long as no one ever bursts into the song “Lady of Spain.” And when I say “no one,” I mean me. Or any of the arias from “Carmen.” Or I don’t develop a southern-accented Scarlett O Hara voice and claim to have “The Vapors.”

Now that I think about it, I could do a lot of damage with a fan, and all of it would be self-inflicted.

So back to the show … Within a minute of the doctor and nurse coming into the room of the man on the ventilator and Nora coming out from playing peek-a-boo behind her fan, Nora directs the nurse to take the man off of the ventilator.

And just like that, the nurse shuts off the ventilator and the man stops breathing. No one even asks Nora for identification. The nurse hit the button and that was that.

Nora did find time to take a call from the head of the DEA, Joe Navarro. Like Nora, I always have time to speak with law enforcement officers.

Unlike Nora, I don’t usually take those calls in the middle of pulling someone off of life support. So given that, Nora seems to be a more selfless prosecutor than I am.

We didn’t see Nora for a while after that. I thought maybe it was because she had a lot of paperwork to complete since she ordered the man’s death, but that wasn’t it at all. When we saw Nora again we were still in the hospital room: The Man took his final breath, Nora announced that her husband had been a complete stranger to her, gave his wedding ring to the nurse, and announced to the doctor and nurse that she was finally free. The doctor hoped that Nora meant “Finally Free to pay the hospital bill,” but that’s unlikely.

After this short but powerful speech, Nora left the hospital, her dead husband, and the very confused doctor and nurse who were now stuck with the wedding erring and the body that went with it.

So what I learned from Nora in this episode is that you can get away with anything if you are beautiful, dramatic, confusing, and best of all, using a fan.

Let’s see what she gets up to tonight.

One thing I can tell you that Nora is not doing any legal research.

Happy 4th of July!! As I Learn Spanish From Telenovelas, I’ll Warn You That There Are No Recipes Here, Unless They Are Recipes For Disaster!

In the few short years that I’ve been learning Spanish from telenovelas on Telemundo everything about the way we watch television has changed.

With so many more options for the audience on both sides of The Border, Spanish-language broadcast networks are working overtime to keep their audiences entertained, and from turning to streaming services.

Are NarcoNovelas the answer?

Do telenovela fans want multiple seasons of the same show?

Are SuperSeries the future?

If I knew the answer I’d be running a tv studio!

But it’s something to think about, and the topic I explore in my latest article for Latin Connection Magazine.

Here it is!

And don’t miss the other great articles in this month’s issue, including a big layout on Miami Fashion Week!

The Real Not-Housewives Of “El Senor De Los Cielos!”

I’m learning a lot more than Spanish learning Spanish from telenovelas!

Things are getting very complicated in the Telemundo NarcoNovela “El Senor de Los Cielos,” these days, as Aurelio is trying to keep two very beautiful but surly women happy, keep them in love with him, and keep them in the drug business with him:

1: La Coronela Ambar Maldonado of the Venezuelan Army, who gives out solid gold bars of solid gold with the same frequency Fredo Corleone used to bang Las Vegas cocktail waitresses in “The Godfather:” Two at a time.

I’m not sure what this is doing for Venezuela, but her love life has improved dramatically.

She uses sex as a weapon, and she also uses weapons as weapons.

2. Corina, of the DEA:

She might be the real daughter of the head of the DEA, she might be the pretend niece of the second in charge, and she might be another Love of Aurelio’s Life, but she is the most unpleasant and angry woman this show has seen yet. All she does is make speeches and yell at people at work all day.

I am curious to see if she gets away with so much yelling now that she’s at the heart of the Cartel, where no one has to pretend to follow the law, and they all carry guns too.

Like the scene in “Goodfellas” where they kill the whiny Maury, someone will finally blow Corina’s head off and say “I thought she’d never shut up.”

Corina is only ever a little happy when she’s at the heart of Cartel business with Aurelio, which might account for why she is so unhappy at doing anti-Cartel work with the DEA, pretending (not very well) to be against drugs.

When Aurelio found out Corina was a double-agent, he locked her up in his basement jail, which is as common as a swimming pool in the living room in Narco Novelas.

Now she is allowed out on work-release and it appears Dona Alba (Aurelio’s mother) is her Pre-Trial Services Officer.

I wonder if Dona Alba ever wonders how Corina moved from a Prisoner of War to a Prisoner of Love, and how many more future daughters-in-law will she have to meet and throw wedding showers for.

Meanwhile, La Coronela is battling in a second war:

She is also fighting with “La Doctora,” who is the head of the Venezuelan Embassy in Mexico and is very busy selling off the parts of Venezuela that La Coronela hasn’t already promised to Cuba.

They are fighting (I think) for the Cuban President, Presidente El Commandante. Ambar is wooing him with more gold from Venezuela, and La Doctora (aka “Lady In Red” is wooing him by letting him hang out in the Venezuelan Embassy, wearing only red, and giving him lots of coffee and very comfortable chairs to sit around in.

My money is on La Doctora because even though Ambar is a Coronela, she is already using a lot of resources to fight with Corina for Aurelio, and everyone knows you can’t fight a war on two fronts!

We are also very excited about the upcoming appearance of Maria Conchita Alonso as a New York City Prosecutor who is about to extradite Aurelio.

And I hope it’s not just because she needs a date to a wedding.

This is a fantastic series! With tough, smart, scary, and of course beautiful women!

Why watch something that’s “like” a telenovela when you can watch The Real Thing???

If you haven’t watched it before, check your pulse.

Season 6 is currently on Telemundo, and you can catch up from Season 1 on Netflix!

All The Telenovelas In The World…

Do you ever wonder what telenovelas are out there in Latin America?

Novelas you may never get a chance to watch because they don’t air here?

Do you ever contemplate what other twins have been separated at birth, leading them down remarkably different roads?

Do you ever ponder who has stolen whose identity lately?

I do, all of the time.

And now you will too, once you read my latest article for “Latin Connection Magazine,” which is about all of the telenovelas we cannot see (unless we watch them on YouTube!!)

One of those shows is the FANTASTIC & FUNNY telenovela from writer Luis Mi and the rest of the crew at TV Azteca, “Educando A Nina!”

You can’t go wrong with beautiful twins separated at birth (apparently by their own father – Que Horrible!) who then live starkly different lives:

“Mara” (who is smartly given away by her father, who can see into the future), grows up as the indulged and Super Annoying daughter of a fashion magazine publisher who lives her life on Instagram and sounds like a cross between ANY Kardashian, Fran Drescher from “The Nanny,” and the marriage of a snake to a chicken.

-“Nina,” who doesn’t have any money, lives in a big, exciting house with lots of colors and doors, but only one bathroom, which is a problem.

Nina lives with her father, her best friend, and the Reggaeton singer for whom she sings backup, “Daddy Papi.”

And Daddy Papi’s Mami, La Mecha.

When Mara goes to prison, Mara’s father and his publicist Patricio somehow dig up Nina, to have Nina pose as Mara until some deal is finished.

When Mara is sent to the Scary Women’s Prison (Episode 2 I think), the writers and actors turn the entire “Women in Prison” sub-genre of NarcoNovelas on its head, and it’s better is then anything!

Watching Mara behave exactly as Mara always behaves, absolutely oblivious to the fact she is in a prison full of insane and heavily tattooed inmates is one of the best gags I’ve ever

The other two shows I tempt you with are “La Hija Prodiga” and “Perdona Nuestros Pecados.”

And if you look, you’ll find plenty of others!! There is a whole world of Novelas out there!!

This is just the tip of the iceberg!

And once you see one episode of any of these the shows, you’ll be hooked!




One of the best things about the Telemundo telenovela “El Senor de Los Cielos,”as it returns for what is now it’s 6th season, is that as much as we love the return of our favorite characters, every season we are surprised by who shows up in the new cast.

#ESDLC is like the great detective show “Monk,” where famous actors show up to do a guest spot on the show!

And every time #ESDLC returns for another season, we can’t wait to see who is going to do a Guest Spot – who wants to be VERY BAD in the most successful series of all time!

This season , we can look forward to watching Marisela Berti, a very famous and excellent actress from Venezuela; a First Lady Of Venezuelan telenovelas.

Here are 5 things to know about Sra Berti and her role in the series!

1. She is playing the Venezuelan ambassador to Mexico City, so of course she is a supporter of the Venezuelan government, but if I was President Maduro I wouldn’t sell the Embassy silver just yet because this Ambassador has a few tricks up her St. John-knit sleeves that are a big secret.

2. Her character, “Edith Guzman” is named for a well-repected Venezuelan journalist who is a great friend of the actress.

3. The love of her life was her late husband, Mauricio Walerstein – a Mexican filmmaker extraordinaire. His tragic death two years ago threw Sra Berti into a tailspin. It was her great friend Luis Zelkowicz, creator and writer of ESDLC, who persuaded her to return to acting with this very fun, juicy, and TREACHEROUS (I hope!) role of The Ambassador in ESDLC.

4. Marisela is famous for starring in dozens of Venezuelan telenovelas, but the one that looks the most interesting to me is “Dolce Ilusion” wherein she played an Evil Stepmother who somehow convinced her orphaned stepdaughter that she was penniless and a servant in the stepmother’s house. I want to watch it to see how exactly she achieved that. This is a very famous telenovela because it used (and I think I have this right) cartoon characters acting alongside real actors, like a telenovela “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?”

5. Best fact of all? Her son is the actor Alex Walerstein who plays the NarcoGeek computer whiz “El Grenas” in ESDLC. That’s right! A Mother & Son in the same novela!!

Don’t miss this rare chance to see a novela legend at work in #ElSenorDeLosCielos, and a mother and son acting together in the same novela!!

A Little Touch Of Otis Campbell In The Night… In “El Senor De Los Cielos!”

Have you been watching “El Senor de los Cielos?” on Telemundo?

Who knew that Aurelio and La “Sex Machine” Coronela were about to go to Turkey?

And for what?!?!

To buy more drugs??

Didn’t Aurelio ever see the movie “Midnight Express”?

If he did, he would know that nothing good comes from buying drugs in Turkey.

I guess Aurelio and La Coronela each have their reasons to get out of Mexico for awhile:

El Senor had just broken up with his girlfriend Corina.

Here’s what happened:

He had decided to let Corina out of the cozy jail he kept her in, which was in the basement of his house, where most people would have their wet bar.

She was eating so many meals upstairs with the family it just made more sense to let her stay upstairs; plus El Grenas is too busy on his computer,and Vitaminas is too busy saying “Si, Patron,” to keep letting her in and out of jail every five minutes.

Plus, that cell is a little too small for the very athletic full-metal makeouts that were happening there.

I think that by the time El Senor decided to let Corina out for good, she was like “Otis Campbell” from “The Andy Griffith Show,”- the town drunk in the white suit who would let himself in and out of jail.

So I guess Aurelio decided there was no point to keeping her locked up, especially since she was practically a member of the family, once he found out that

Corina had dated El Chema too.

El Chema, who we all miss very much, was Aurelio’s arch-enemy and son-in-law, and might have been his brother-in-law too. For all Aurelio knew, he and Corina might have been uncle and niece – it’s too hard to tell without a Venn diagram.

Once Corina was allowed out of Basement Jail, I guess the lure of the relationship faded for them both, and Corina went back to work at the DEA where no one trusts her since she broke it off with Aurelio.

And Aurelio never trusted Corina once he learned that she worked for the DEA and/or was in love with El Chema.

Corina has no one left to betray, and so her life seems to have little meaning.

She just works on the computer and glares at people, which describes 75% of the North American workforce.

Aurelio is now really intrigued by La Coronela Ambar Maldonado of Venezuela, mainly because he is a Narcissist and Ambar is the female version of Aurelio.

It’s like dating himself.

Ambar started strong.

(She is a combination of an Army colonel and a pole dancer, so she would be right up El Presidente Trump’s alley. )

From the moment La Coronela and Aurelio met, it was Trafficking at First Sight.

Ambar needs to let things cool off in Mexico City because even though she has an office in the Venezuelan embassy, it is clear the Ambassador, “Edith Guzman,” who is played by famed Venezuelan actress Marisela Berti, hates La Coronela.

I think they hate each other because they are both bit by bit selling off bits of Venezuela to the highest bidder, and that might be Colombia or it might be El Senor de Los Cielos, or it might be the shady guys from the Middle East who are always hanging out at the Venezuelan Embassy.

There is not enough room for two Queen Bee traitors in that Embassy, apparently.

All I know is Ambar gave Aurelio some gold bars, but if she thinks he’s making a wedding ring out of the gold she is kidding herself.

You could call Aurelio and Ambar “Lost Souls,” but that would imply that they have souls.

So now they are in Turkey where they inexplicably hijacked a truck and are on the run from guys who are chasing them to the sea on motorcycles.

I am not sure if either one of them have a plan, but if I was them my plan would be to get out of Turkey.

And in another part of the world, La Rutilla is in the jungles of Colombia looking for Super Javi’s plane crash, but she may already be too late:

Super Javi is taking advantage of his amnesia as an opportunity to perhaps stop killing so many people, catch up on his swimming, and fall in love with Kashi.

Kashi has been in love with the doctor, but may dump the doctor for Super Javi.

I know telenovelas are a little unrealistic sometimes, but this is the most outrageous plot twist yet because no woman in her right mind gives up a doctor for a guy with amnesia, even if he does have a lot of passports, and even if the doctor’s practice is in the jungle.

Can’t wait to see what happens tonight!!

In The Return Of “El Senor De Los Cielos” Aurelio Wants To Make Mexico Great Again!

Did you watch The Death-Defying Premiere of Season 6 of “El Senor de Los Cielos” last night?? It was so wild that I thought that for the first 5 minutes Aurelio was a new character in “The Avengers!”

Or that maybe Aurelio was the new James Bond, as he zip-lined, used a bow & arrow, found camouflaged rafts in the river, high-dived off of cliffs and took his raft into the Falls.

And he STILL had time for a makeout with Corina, who herself still had time for a Brazilian blow-out, and who is the daughter of the head of the DEA, which will make things tense at Thanksgiving.

I thought it must be so hard to be Aurelio’s girlfriend, as they go on the run from El Cabo & Company. What could his “Match” description say?

That he’s looking for a woman with brains, beauty, who is good with a bow and arrow, excels at the high-dive and pole-vaulting, and can run a 10-minute mile in 5?

If he needs another new girlfriend after Corina, he will have to start trolling for dates at The Olympics.

So at the end of last season, El Cabo has killed just about every one in Aurelio’s family (depending how contract negotiations went during the break.)

So as Cabo’s men chased him and Corina through the rain-forest, we saw the other members of his family attacked, with some surviving, and others not so much.

One of these was Aurelio’s future Super Son-In-Law SuperJavi.

I hope he survives the bomb attached to his airplane that crashed his plane when it exploded.

At the moment the plane crashed he was on the phone with LaRutilla, so she heard the explosion, rapid descent and crash into the side of the mountain, all of it, because everyone knows that Mexico has the best cell-phone service.

I predict Super Javi is still SuperAlive because he’s not getting out of his relationship with La Rutilla that easily.

Cabo’s guys had also tried to kill Dona Alba, but she not only matched them shot-for-shot, she killed a few of them, and then she actually carjacked an innocent guy to escape from Cabo’s Crazy Crew.

Dona Alba: Wife, Mother, Nun, and now in Season 6, a Carjacker.

As a car-jacker, Dona Alba should move to Chicago because Car-jackings are so common here she will feel right at home!

Ismael has been shot up pretty badly, and is recuperating in the house of an older, innocent and fully at gunpoint older couple, whose living room is now the surgical suite, their bedroom is Post-Op, and their kitchen is the Break Room for the nurses.

Cabo’s men were pretty inefficient, missed a lot and even had their motorcycles taken away from them.

Number one, I think all of them were hopped up on Red Bull because they all seemed very anxious and nervous.

Number Two, I think they were all in a big hurry to get to the party El Cabo and his mustache were throwing at Aurelio’s house after broke in.

The party had plenty of cocaine, Strippers, and Run-DMC tracksuits for everyone to wear as they partied in Aurelio’s House, waiting for him to come home so they could kill him.

It was almost exactly like the party suburban kids throw when their parents go out of town, except without the murder but with the strippers.

And Aurelio?

Aurelio decided that much like El Trump, he would take his message directly to the people.

So he invaded a television station, and took over, announcing that he was coming out hiding, he was still alive, and he’s going to Make Mexico Great Again.

We can’t wait for the hats!!

Maybe he will run for President of Mexico against his (almost) cousin-in-law and (almost) son-in-law Omar, on the platform that he will have bigger and better orgies at Los Pinos!

Can a Twitter account be next?

Don’t miss this exciting new show!!

It’s Tough To Be A Right-Hand Man To A Gangster Whose Fingers Have Been Chopped Off, But Roberto Wohlmuth Makes It Work!!

Everybody Loves Roscas!!

Getting to know the actor Roberto Wohlmuth for my latest article in “Latin Connection” magazine was really a treat!

Everyone loved him as “El Roscas” in the Telemundo SuperCrazySeries Señora Acero, but he’s so much more than that!

He’s an artist, a singer and dancer, a chef, and a very funny guy!!

As “Senora Acero” progressed, El Roscas evolved from an Enforcer for El Papi Teca to the right hand man of El Indio, and as El Indio list so many fingers that he didn’t have much of a hand left, Roscas united with La Tuti and became the head of La Mamacita Cartel.

And every word of that is true!!


Did you watch The Very Grand Premiere of “Mi Familia Perfecta,” the latest telenovela from Jose Spataro and Telemundo?!

I loved it, and it’s going to be EXCELLENT!! You will not want to miss a minute with The Guerrero Family! But believe me, you won’t want to babysit them!!

Apparently, The Guerrero Family had a mother and father at one time, but the father died, and the mother was deported five years before.

When the show opens, the kids all live together on their own, with NO parents at all. and to be honest, they are kind of messy, and not very good at housekeeping.

The house is a DISASTER, which is exactly what happens if there is no mom to yell at everyone all of the time to pick up their things, and to say things like:

“I am not your maid”

or “Who do you think is going to pick up after you?”

or “Those dishes aren’t going to wash themselves”

or “You can’t go out until you do your chores”

or “Why can’t you wipe that bathroom mirror down after you wash your hands?”

or “You had better learn how to clean your house or you will never get a husband.”

Things like that.

The kids are being raised by their oldest brother, El Patas, and if you ask me, he’s a pretty good older brother because he runs a burrito truck, and who wouldn’t want a burrito truck in the family?

El Patas is very responsible, and wants the best for his siblings. You would think that having to raise his brothers and sisters for the past five years would have made him want to delay starting his own family? but nope.

He has an AWFUL, trashy wife named Ashley who has not one redeeming quality as far as I can tell, unless you need cocaine in a hurry.

And they have a son who is a toddler and wreaks havoc in every room he goes into, but that’s pretty much because his mother has two moods: Stoned and Sleeping.

Ashley has a mother and sister who are exactly the kind of people you expect to find at a Trump rally, only worse.

Marisol Guerrero is not the eldest daughter, but she is the most responsible and the most interesting because she may have a brilliant soccer future ahead of her, but if she keeps hiding her soccer balls in the sewer and jogging on the mean streets of L.A. before daylight she may not live long enough to try out for a team.

Julian Guerrero is the kid brother who is always in trouble because he constantly breaks the law in order to support his family.

While he is well-intentioned, I am not sure that throwing his younger sister Lili into traffic to stage auto-accidents is really helpful. Plus, Julian gets into a lot of fights, and steals electricity from the neighbors, so he’ll be spending a lot of time at the police station and hospitals.

Lili Guerrero is the youngest sister, who is really kind of lost. She has grown up without her mother, and seems very unhappy. The best evidence that she feels that her life has no meaning is that she lets Julian push her into moving traffic to make a few bucks.

Rosa Guerrero is, as far as I can tell, the WORST of the lot because she is the oldest daughter and instead of assuming some responsibility and helping to raise her siblings, she dyes her hair blonde and fools around with married men.

When I was a kid, I loved my parents, but I always wanted to be adopted by the band The Monkees. The Monkees were lots of fun, were always up to interesting pranks, and every episode ended with a song. I thought living with them would be a dream come true. Until I saw The Hudson Brothers, and then I wanted them to adopt me. Clearly, I did not appreciate my parents, who might not have had a Saturday morning TV show or guitars, but they paid the bills and we always had plenty of food, school supplies, and electricity.

Even if CHORES took up an inordinate part of my teenage years.

I think all teenagers should have to watch the pilot of “Mi Familia Perfecta,” and then they could see what life is really like without parents. I can’t imagine anything tougher than children trying to support their siblings, and trying to keep them all going, and keep the authorities from finding out what is happening, and keep from being deported. All the while working and paying an immigration lawyer every penny to try to bring your mom back – a mother, by the way, who doesn’t seem too keen on returning, since she now has a new family in Mexico and has no intention of “Babysitting” her own kids.

I can’t wait to see tonight’s episode! I think they are going to hire someone to pretend to be their mother. Again, something I might have imagined as a child.

The cast in this series is FANTASTIC. It’s basically everyone who got killed off in ESDLC, including Sabrina Seara, Jorge Luis Moreno and Gala Montes.

Mauricio Henao, so terrific in “Senora Acero” has cleaned up GREAT, and here he plays a Mysterious Womens’ Soccer Coach From Colombia who is so handsome the real mystery is how any of the girls focus on soccer.

Laura Flores plays the Missing Mom In Mexico Who Clearly Met Someone.

I’m a big Laura Flores fan, ans I have learned a lot watching her in telenovelas, and this series will be no exception.

I love her here as the Mom who just might want to stay in Mexico instead of returning to that VERY MESSY house.

And her five kids, a wretched daughter-in-law and a grandchild who unintentionally tries to set the house on fire.

Watch for Natasha Dominguez as the BAD MOM.

Jose Guillermo Cortines is almost unrecognizable in a gigantic beard, but I am so happy to see him because I adore him! He’s an excellent actor and in the series is married to Karla Monroig. They play the good-hearted neighbors who try to help the Guerrero kids, but also have their hands full with their own kids, especially their son Eddie who stays out all night riding around and drinking.

And Beatriz Monroy is back as the lady the kids hire to pretend to be their mother (I think). I’m a huge Beatriz Monroy fan!!

But you won’t believe who plays Mrs. Trump – El Patas’ mother-in-law – Sonya Smith! I did not recognize her and you have to see her for yourself. Maybe it is just because her character is so awful and hateful that I didn’t see the beautiful and charming Sonya Smith under her unusual and unpleasant hairstyle and makeup.

This is a part we have not ever seen her in and it’s going to be DELICIOUS!!! I think she will be going to lots of rallies, and I can’t wait to see her in her MAGA hat.

Don’t miss this new novela!!