TELENOVELAS vs SEINFELD

Telenovelas have learned a lot from Seinfeld.

In Seinfeld , George built a hidden compartment in his desk so he could nap.

In Señora Acero , the Evil Gringo FBI Chief in Mexico built a hidden compartment in his desk so he could hide the $$$$ he got from El Teca.

You be the judge…

George never had that much cash, and the DEA Chief is too coked up to sleep.

So as usual, everything works out for the best!!

If you’re not watching telenovelas you don’t know what you’re missing!

How I Am Learning To Be A Better Prosecutor From Maria Conchita Alonso In “El Senor De Los Cielos: Day 1

I’m no “Julie & Julia,” or Julie OR Julia, but I am a prosecutor in the criminal courts, and I am closely watching a prosecutor in the telenovela “El Senor de Los Cielos.”

That prosecutor is “Nora Requena” played by Maria Conchita Alonso, and she just joined the cast on Monday night.

If you don’t watch telenovelas (Why not??? Better check your pulse!!), you might think a prosecutor is a fairly straightforward character.

You’d be wrong:

In a series where the Venezuelan Ambassador to Mexico spends more time money laundering than serving tea to guests and reading telex’s, and where the Presidente Of México has more orgies in office than Caligula, a prosecutor has many more interesting things to do in the show than prepare Answers to Discovery.

I think I’ll learn a lot from “Nora” and what I’m going to try to do is tell you what I have learned every day, in every episode!

_______________________________

Day 1:

There’s nothing better than a good criminal prosecutor in a telenovela, and if we are lucky, the prosecutor is good because the prosecutor is BAD. As in Very Bad. And the Worse they are, the more fun they are!

Last night the legendary Maria Conchita Alonso debuted as Nora Requena in “El Senor de los Cielos.” In the series, Nora is a New York city prosecutor determined to bring Aurelio to justice. And bring him to New York City, where Nora will take a bite out of crime, and Aurelio will take a bite out of the Big Apple. Will he see justice? That’s anyone’s guess. Will he see the inside of Nora’s apartment? Always a possibility since Nora may be completely unprepared for the power of The Kevorka, a quality Aurelio shares with Kramer from “Seinfeld.”

We were introduced to Nora last night.

Since I am a prosecutor just like Nora, I wanted to see how much I could learn from this character, and believe me, in just a few minutes, I learned a lot and will be doing everything differently from now on.

When we meet Nora she is in a hospital room, at the bedside of a man on a ventilator.

Nora is hiding behind a fan, which she dramatically closes when the doctor and nurse enter the room. Honestly, it never occurred to me to use a fan before, but now I don’t know how I lived for so long without one. A fan is something I could use very effectively in closing arguments, as long as no one ever bursts into the song “Lady of Spain.” And when I say “no one,” I mean me. Or any of the arias from “Carmen.” Or I don’t develop a southern-accented Scarlett O Hara voice and claim to have “The Vapors.”

Now that I think about it, I could do a lot of damage with a fan, and all of it would be self-inflicted.

So back to the show … Within a minute of the doctor and nurse coming into the room of the man on the ventilator and Nora coming out from playing peek-a-boo behind her fan, Nora directs the nurse to take the man off of the ventilator.

And just like that, the nurse shuts off the ventilator and the man stops breathing. No one even asks Nora for identification. The nurse hit the button and that was that.

Nora did find time to take a call from the head of the DEA, Joe Navarro. Like Nora, I always have time to speak with law enforcement officers.

Unlike Nora, I don’t usually take those calls in the middle of pulling someone off of life support. So given that, Nora seems to be a more selfless prosecutor than I am.

We didn’t see Nora for a while after that. I thought maybe it was because she had a lot of paperwork to complete since she ordered the man’s death, but that wasn’t it at all. When we saw Nora again we were still in the hospital room: The Man took his final breath, Nora announced that her husband had been a complete stranger to her, gave his wedding ring to the nurse, and announced to the doctor and nurse that she was finally free. The doctor hoped that Nora meant “Finally Free to pay the hospital bill,” but that’s unlikely.

After this short but powerful speech, Nora left the hospital, her dead husband, and the very confused doctor and nurse who were now stuck with the wedding erring and the body that went with it.

So what I learned from Nora in this episode is that you can get away with anything if you are beautiful, dramatic, confusing, and best of all, using a fan.

Let’s see what she gets up to tonight.

One thing I can tell you that Nora is not doing any legal research.

Everything In Life Relates To “Seinfeld,” Even The Telenovela “Al Otro Lado Del Muro!”

Did you watch the Telemundotelenovela Al Otro Lado del Muro last night? If you did, then you must have been glued to your couch, just like me!!

In fact, I was so paralyzed by what was happening that like Sofia, I was trapped in my own room,

except unlike Sofia, I was not locked in there by my husband, The Governor.

And unlike Sofia, my housekeeper did not bring me a delicious dinner with a hidden cell phone to use.

And unlike Sofia, I did not get a visit from Paula, my husband’s mistress and campaign manager, who gave me permission to leave my room, so she could yell at me.

And unlike Sofia, I am not a former beauty queen who my husband’s mistress choose to be The First Lady based upon a good head shot.

And unlike Sofia, my husband’s mistress would not have me shot in the head if I don’t behave myself.

Sofia had a TERRIBLE day yesterday, and she got absolutely no traction even though she busted wide open the Human Trafficking ring her husband and his friends run.

When she confronted her husband, he denied everything, even though she found the secret papers in his safe that were basically receipts for selling teenage girls to the Cartel.

I’ll give Gabriel Porras this:

He Plays The World’s Greatest Liar so perfectly that he could work for Trump as his new Press Secretary.

Even though I had seen I the meeting between him and the Mob about the Human Trafficking, he almost had ME convinced he wasn’t involved.

To add insult to injury, he sent the kids to his mother’s and locked Sofia in her room, which the entire household staff did not think was unusual at all.

Then, Sofia got the bad news from Paula that not only is Paula The Governor’s First Girlfriend, but the Governor only married Sofia because she was popular, and because Paula picked her over the telenovela actress.

This was remarkable.

The fact that Paula choose Sofia over a telenovela actress not only shows how brave Paula is, but was also DELICIOUS because all of the women in the show are Telenovela Actresses.

I love Meta-Moments like that.

Plus the show was so tense that I needed a little comic relief.

The only bright spot in Sofia’s day were the violets the Interpol agent sent that had a cell-phone hidden inside, so he can help her escape. Plus, I predict it is his first courting gesture.

No one owes a bigger debt to telenovelas than the telephone industry.

You know who betrayed Sofia?Julian, The Governor’s Mini-Me and Child Spy. No one says “Que haces Aqui” as scary as this kid.

If I was Sofia, I’d get Julian a box of Tic Tacs to keep in his pocket, like Elaine gave to “The Sidler” in “Seinfeld,” so she always knew when he was coming.

Eliza had a bad day too:Not only did she leave her mother AND the bakery, to take the kids to L.A. to live with their dad, but she also had a very hard time keeping her son out of her purse every time she wasn’t looking, which is a sure sign of a Bad Seed.

Plus, she must be afraid to fly or something, because Max looks pretty successful and could have definitely afforded the three plane tickets.

Eliza should have flown because then she would have arrived in L.A. two days ahead of something a lot scarier:

Max’s wife.

And their son’s impending illness.

This novela is gripping and excellent, and you don’t want to miss it!!