I Make Mistakes In México So You Don’t Have To…

I had never before been to Mexico,

I don’t speak much Spanish,

I don’t know The Metric System.

So why not move to Mexico from Chicago to write the Telenovela of my dreams?

What could go wrong….

Listen to my podcast to learn all about my mistake-filled life here, and please give it a great rating even if you have to lie!!







In The Return Of “El Senor De Los Cielos” Aurelio Wants To Make Mexico Great Again!

Did you watch The Death-Defying Premiere of Season 6 of “El Senor de Los Cielos” last night?? It was so wild that I thought that for the first 5 minutes Aurelio was a new character in “The Avengers!”

Or that maybe Aurelio was the new James Bond, as he zip-lined, used a bow & arrow, found camouflaged rafts in the river, high-dived off of cliffs and took his raft into the Falls.

And he STILL had time for a makeout with Corina, who herself still had time for a Brazilian blow-out, and who is the daughter of the head of the DEA, which will make things tense at Thanksgiving.

I thought it must be so hard to be Aurelio’s girlfriend, as they go on the run from El Cabo & Company. What could his “Match” description say?

That he’s looking for a woman with brains, beauty, who is good with a bow and arrow, excels at the high-dive and pole-vaulting, and can run a 10-minute mile in 5?

If he needs another new girlfriend after Corina, he will have to start trolling for dates at The Olympics.

So at the end of last season, El Cabo has killed just about every one in Aurelio’s family (depending how contract negotiations went during the break.)

So as Cabo’s men chased him and Corina through the rain-forest, we saw the other members of his family attacked, with some surviving, and others not so much.

One of these was Aurelio’s future Super Son-In-Law SuperJavi.

I hope he survives the bomb attached to his airplane that crashed his plane when it exploded.

At the moment the plane crashed he was on the phone with LaRutilla, so she heard the explosion, rapid descent and crash into the side of the mountain, all of it, because everyone knows that Mexico has the best cell-phone service.

I predict Super Javi is still SuperAlive because he’s not getting out of his relationship with La Rutilla that easily.

Cabo’s guys had also tried to kill Dona Alba, but she not only matched them shot-for-shot, she killed a few of them, and then she actually carjacked an innocent guy to escape from Cabo’s Crazy Crew.

Dona Alba: Wife, Mother, Nun, and now in Season 6, a Carjacker.

As a car-jacker, Dona Alba should move to Chicago because Car-jackings are so common here she will feel right at home!

Ismael has been shot up pretty badly, and is recuperating in the house of an older, innocent and fully at gunpoint older couple, whose living room is now the surgical suite, their bedroom is Post-Op, and their kitchen is the Break Room for the nurses.

Cabo’s men were pretty inefficient, missed a lot and even had their motorcycles taken away from them.

Number one, I think all of them were hopped up on Red Bull because they all seemed very anxious and nervous.

Number Two, I think they were all in a big hurry to get to the party El Cabo and his mustache were throwing at Aurelio’s house after broke in.

The party had plenty of cocaine, Strippers, and Run-DMC tracksuits for everyone to wear as they partied in Aurelio’s House, waiting for him to come home so they could kill him.

It was almost exactly like the party suburban kids throw when their parents go out of town, except without the murder but with the strippers.

And Aurelio?

Aurelio decided that much like El Trump, he would take his message directly to the people.

So he invaded a television station, and took over, announcing that he was coming out hiding, he was still alive, and he’s going to Make Mexico Great Again.

We can’t wait for the hats!!

Maybe he will run for President of Mexico against his (almost) cousin-in-law and (almost) son-in-law Omar, on the platform that he will have bigger and better orgies at Los Pinos!

Can a Twitter account be next?

Don’t miss this exciting new show!!