“A Season For Magic & Miracles (And Murder & Mayhem)” Episode 1

Ever wondered what would happen if you crossed a telenovela with a Hallmark Christmas movie? Well, now is your chance to find out…

Since I have moved to Mexico City, it has been almost impossible for me to write about telenovelas because no one in Chicago is watching the telenovelas that are on here,

and when I write about the novelas on Netflix, I’m asked not to “spoil” the novelas for those who haven’t watched them yet.

And I have already written about all of the novelas that are on “Telemundo Internacionale” here.

So, with that in mind, and because we are coming up on Christmas, I have decided to try writing a mini-novela of my own, that is a combination of a telenovela and a Hallmark/Lifetime Christmas movie.

And since it’s my fantasy , I get to cast it anyway I want…

So today, here is the pilot of my HallmarkNovela: “A SEASON FOR MAGIC & MIRACLES (AND MURDER & MAYHEM)”. Hope you like it!!!

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“A SEASON FOR MAGIC & MIRACLES (AND MURDER & MAYHEM)”

A Telenovela/Hallmark/Lifetime ‘Television For Women’ Christmas Story…

“CHRISTMAS DAY – TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO – THE OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS”

When the story opens, we’re in a simple, humble little house, decorated for Christmas with home-made decorations. Dalmation puppies cavort around a giggling little girl, still in her pajamas, as she opens the few homemade presents under the tree. The little girl is about two-three years old – too young to really understand what is happening, but perhaps just old enough to remember everything.

From the little girl’s perspective, the scene looks foggy, like a dream or a memory. A pair of dusty, worn shoes, belonging to man, come into the room and stop right where the child sits, surrounded by puppies and gifts. The man asks the child “Que haces aqui?” which is Spanish for “What are you doing here?” The little girl stops what she is doing and looks up at him, terrified. Then a pair of woman’s shoes, high-heels, red sandals, come in right next to him. We never see their faces. The man speaks in a harsh voice, and tells the woman to “hurry up and get her dressed.” The woman, crying, half-heartedly refuses, but swoops up the silent little girl and wraps her in a winter coat and boots over the Christmas pajamas the child wears. Both the coat and boots are too big for her – clearly hand-me-downs.

Meanwhile, the man answers an insistent knock at the door – it’s another couple, about the same age, but they are dressed in better clothes and appear more prosperous. The little girl watches the male half of the couple hand the man a big wad of cash, and the woman hands over the little girl to the female half of the couple. The female half of the couple strips the little girl of her winter coat and boots, spitting out that they have much better clothes for her. Now the little girl begins to cry as they take her to a waiting car, which speeds away. The man slams the door to the house closed, and tells the woman “Stop crying – it’s better this way. Now get rid of those puppies next.”

The Dalmation puppies, without the little girl, wander around under the tree and whimper, looking for their little friend…

CUT TO:

TODAY, “CIDERVILLE”

CIDERVILLE is a magical small town, decorated for Christmas on every corner. Plastic Santas with their reindeer descend from rooftops all over town, giant candy canes line Main Street, every house and business is decorated inside and out for Christmas, trees wrapped up in sparkling lights, a gigantic Christmas tree dominates the town square, gold and silver-wrapped boxes with red bows sit under the tree, lampposts wrapped in twinkling lights and holly … you know the drill. The only thing missing to make it all perfect is SNOW. (As I said, you know the drill.)

A black sedan drives fast up Main Street, failing to stop at Ciderville’s only Stop & Go light, and hits a handsome young man on a bike. The car stops, and LUPITA, a beautiful, solemn and highly-accessorized young woman emerges from the back seat of the car, yelling at her driver, OSCAR, who tries to help the bike-rider. The bike is damaged beyond repair, and the driver pulls out a wad of cash and hands it to the bike-guy who is banged up, but ok. The bike guy is JUAN CARLOS, known to all as “JAYCEE.” Jaycee swears and throws the cash back at Oscar and limps off with his bike, which looks broken beyond repair. As he goes, he looks back at Lupita with the “1,000 Yard Stare,” which is a cross between an alluring come-on and a murderous glare. Lupita returns that look with a small, mysterious smile.

Lupita gets back in the car, and Oscar continues to drive through Main Street, but a lot more carefully this time. As the car moves slowly down the street, townspeople stop to stare at it, and no one seems too happy to see it. It’s hard to tell who looks more sinister: Lupita, behind the tinted glass of her black sedan, or the kids who glare back at the car, longing for snow so they could throw snowballs at the car.

Finally, the sedan comes to a stop in front of a small holiday-themed gift shop, called “Ye Olde Casa del Christmas.” VERONICA, an attractive woman in a Christmas sweater goes to the window and studies the car, and announces “She’s here,” to GINA, equally attractive, and not dressed in a Christmas sweater. Gina looks worried, and she clutches a Christmas ornament in her hand as walks up to join Veronica at the window. Veronica looks down at the ornament in Gina’s grasp – it’s a Dalmation puppy. Veronica begins to warn Gina about the danger of the puppy ornament, but she is interrupted when they are joined at the window by a menacing, intense man, ROBERTO who would look a lot scarier if he wasn’t wearing a Christmas sweater too. He asks the women if they are ready. When he sees the puppy ornament he reminds Gina that he’s warned her before and now he’s done warning her. Veronica tells Roberto to shut up – they are ready. Nothing can go wrong. Then Gina silences their bickering with the two scariest words you can hear in a telenovela – “Trust me.”

Gina, Roberto and Veronica watch Lupita as she walks towards the shop and begins to open the door.

The bell hanging over the door, that rings “Feliz Navidad” by Jose Feliciano, falls from the wall, striking Lupita in the head and knocking her out cold.

Roberto and Veronica smile at one another, but Gina looks worried. Roberto then quickly drags Lupita’s unconscious body away from the door, while Veronica quickly draws the blinds and puts the “CLOSED” sign in the window. Gina wipes the blood from Lupita’s forehead, while trying to wake her up.

As Lupita comes to, her vision is still cloudy, and the first thing she sees is the Dalmation ornament.

“Mama? “ she cries, weakly. “Mama?”

Roberto covers her mouth with his hand, telling her to shut-up. Lupita wakes quickly after that, and her eyes grow into gigantic saucers once Roberto covers her mouth with his powerful (and hopefully clean) hand.

Meanwhile, back at the car, Oscar grows tired of waiting for Lupita. As he walks up to the shop, he notices the drawn blinds and “Closed” sign.

He’s about to go to the door, to make sure Lupita is ok (since that’s his job) when he notices the “Ciderville Christmas Cantina” across the street, and decides to go there for a drink instead, leaving Lupita at the mercy of three mysterious shopkeepers who clearly will stop at nothing, including wearing some pretty bad Christmas sweaters.

To Be Continued…

I Make Mistakes In México So You Don’t Have To…

I had never before been to Mexico,

I don’t speak much Spanish,

I don’t know The Metric System.

So why not move to Mexico from Chicago to write the Telenovela of my dreams?

What could go wrong….

Listen to my podcast to learn all about my mistake-filled life here, and please give it a great rating even if you have to lie!!

Gracias!!

#podcasts

#mexico

#telenovelas

#travel

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-mexican-mistake-s/id1474401635

I Make Mistakes in Mexico City So You Don’t Have To…

I had never before been to Mexico,

I don’t speak much Spanish,

I don’t know The Metric System.

So why not move to Mexico from Chicago to write the Telenovela of my dreams?

What could go wrong?????

Listen to my podcast, NOW ON APPLE PODCASTS, to learn all about my mistake-filled life here, and please give it a great rating even if you have to lie!!

Gracias!!

#podcasts

#mexico

#telenovelas

#travel

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-mexican-mistake-s/id1474401635

My Mexican Mistake(s)

I moved here to Mexico City on June 1, 2019, inspired by my love of telenovelas!

And I’d never been to Mexico before a day in my life!

And now I’m making lots of mistakes here, so you don’t have to!

The podcast is now on Apple, Spotify, Anchor and lots of other platforms. It’s somewhat awkward, very silly, occasionally funny, and always commercial-free!

Please give it a listen and a high rating, even if you have to lie.

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-mexican-mistake-s/id1474401635

Not One Decorating Or Travel Tip Here. No Recipes Either.

Why You Need to Stop Decorating And Watch “La Reina del Sur 2” on Netflix

One of my favorite series, “La Reina del Sur 2” is now on @netflix everywhere, and coming soon to @telemundointl here in Mexico!

Only GOT beats it in the ratings, which isn’t surprising because basically LRDS is a NarcoNovela GOT, with it’s own cool acronym too.

There is a lot of driving in #lrds2 – and oddly some of it is by a ten-year old girl driving a Cadillac through the winding streets of Tuscany.

You’ll see things in this great series you’ve never seen before, including American actor (and Julia Roberts’ brother) Eric Roberts, speaking worse Spanish than I do.

The show has a wonderful cast, great music (thanks to @flaviomedinal and his back-up singers @robertowoficial & @lincpal) and is a lot of fun and a Truly Excellent Adventure. @calvatwitt as

“Batmancito” is going to break your heart, plus there’s nothing more fun than watching him argue with a ten-year old. Humberto Zurito is a blast as “The Narco Who Would Be President.”

The only real danger of his Presidency would be that Cabinet meetings could get confusing because he calls everyone “Mijo.”

Watch @reinadelsurtv on @Netflix for a very good time!!

#lrds #netflix #gringanovelera

The Aztecs Should Have Been A Little Nicer … They Would Still Be Around And Would Be Bigger Than Marriott! (Hear All About It In My Latest Podcast From México City!)

https://open.spotify.com/episode/06MZIIC5TYT0ZlPayQl8Lp?context=spotify%3Ashow%3A1ASLg55QBXFsSSGnFHN5VD&si=Himx68lzRcK5GrAK7cNHrg

Maybe The Aztecs Should Have Been A Little Nicer…

Listen to the most recent episode of my podcast: “The Mistakes Of The Aztecs!” https://anchor.fm/karen-kerbis/episodes/The-Mistakes-Of-The-Aztecs-e5022r

The Most Meta- Moment In My Life? Easy. I Was A Character In A Telenovela!!

All I wanted to do was learn Spanish from watching a telenovela- and somehow I became a character in one!!

As the hit FashionRomanceTelenovela “Betty En New York” has come to an end with SPECTACULAR ratings, things are just starting to heat up here in Mexico City, where the ratings for this fun and funny show are always #1 in it’s time slot.

Could these fantastic ratings be because I am actually a character in the show, thanks to Sandra Velasco, Luis Mi, Alejandro Vergara, Valentina Del Rosario Parraga and Lizandra Parra!

Yes, “Sofia” is represented in her divorce by Marcela’s good friend, “the Best Lawyer in the USA, “Karen Kerbis from Chicago!”

My favorite part of being a lawyer in this Novela is that just as it was when I actually was a lawyer in Chicago, my advice comes from watching telenovelas, because “Law and Order” was too unrealistic.

Here I am!!

I’m “Karen Kerbis, the Lawyer from Chicago!!”

Of course, I was very lucky to be played by the wonderful actress Lizandra Parra!

And doubly-lucky to have Amaranta Ruiz for my client!!! ❤️❤️

I will never forget that this happened to me!!

Muchas muchas gracias!!

😘😘😘😘

“Santa Diabla” Is On Again In México!!!

“Santa Diabla” Is On Again In México!!!

“Santa Diabla” Is On Again In México!!!


— Read on lagringanovelera.me/santa-diabla-is-on-again-in-mexico/

“Santa Diabla” Is On Again In México!!!

Hello! Today is Sunday July 21 and I’m coming to you LIVE from Mexico City!!

As most of you know I moved here from Chicago about six weeks ago to write the telenovela of my dreams, having been so inspired by the telenovelas I started watching just a few years ago. At first, it was just a crazy experiment, one of the many dangers of living in Chicago during a winter of Thundersnow.

But almost immediately, telenovelas, and writing about telenovelas, became my true passion and eventually led me here, to live in Mexico.

The first telenovela I ever wrote daily summaries about was “Santa Diabla,” by Jose Ignacio “El Chascas” Valenzuela

on Telemundo.

In #SantaDiabla, nothing was as it seemed, and that was not because I didn’t speak Spanish! The plot of “Santa Diabla” was that a woman named Santa Martinez pretended to be a woman named “Amanda Braun,” so she could marry Humberto Cano (and basically into the whole mean and crazy Cano family) in order to obtain her revenge on him and his family for framing her beloved husband Willy for rape and killing him in prison, but then right after Santa married Humberto, she met his saxaphone-playing, perenially-sad brother Santiago, and fell in love with him.

And then things became super-complicated and mysterious and funny after that.

I never missed one episode of the novela and

I wrote summaries of the show every night!

I did that all on my original Facebook page called “La Gringa Novelera,” and my real name was nowhere to be found.

After Santa Diabla ended, I continued to write about telenovelas daily.

A couple of years after I started, Facebook, even though they helped Russia help elect Trump, took a firm stand on my Facebook page, and insisted I change the Page to my name, so I did.

My telenovela-sensei Irma Lopez had the foresight to help me save my old posts chronicalling “Santa Diabla,” and I found them recently!

And now that here in Mexico, Telemundointl is showing “Santa Diabla” again, I thought I’d resurrect these old posts that I wrote about the show, timing them to the episode that’s playing .

The series just started about two weeks ago, and here’s what’s happened so far:

Santa, pretending to be Amanda, has already married Humberto, drugged him during their honeymoon so she could escape and go visit her son in the hospital, fallen in love with his brother Santiago, got her mom a job as a maid in the Cano house but no one knows it’s her mom; got her sister-in-law Paula a job as a legal secretary at Humberto’s law firm but no one is supposed to know they are related, the idea being to destroy the Cano family from the inside-out.

Meanwhile, Humberto’s sex-machine mistress Lisette is back in town, with their 18-year old son Ivan who Humberto just met for the first time. Meanwhile, another guy in town named Arturo who’s terrified of his racist mother who I call Mrs. Trump, but still wants her to support him, is too afraid to tell his mother that his girlfriend Mara is African-American, so he proposes to Lisette because his mother promised him a lot of money if he’d settle down and get married and give her a grandchild. Even though Lisette is Humberto mistress and lives off of the men she’s involved with, she is a more acceptable daughter-in-law to Mrs. Trump that Mara, who is beautiful, kind, hard-working, honest but African-American.

And in another part of town, The Robledo Family, BFF’s and law-partners with the Canos, have their own set of problems in the form of the madcap and sociopath daughter “Ines,” who is my favorite character on the whole show. Ines has also just returned from somewhere (The Psychiactric Ward?), and instantaneously fell in love with Santiago Cano, except Santiago is already madly in love with Amanda/Santa, who just married his brother Humberto.

Ines was played by the great Ximena Duque – who stole the whole show!!!!!

Got it??????????

Don’t worry – you will!!!

So I am going to try to re-post each one of these old posts to follow along with the series in repeats here in Mexico.

I am not changing or fixing anything, except for typos.

I missed a lot as I wrote my daily summaries of the show a few years ago, and got a lot of things wrong. But I think that made it fun and funny for me!

Let’s see how this experiment goes….

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(From 21 August 2013)

Hola y buenos noches!

Ok, so “Santa Diabla” was very good tonight, but tomorrow looks even better because it involves a very telling DVD played at the Grand Opening of Humbertp’s new club, with all of the Cano (synonymous with “evil, except for Santiago) family and friends there, so this will cause much embarrassment for the Cano clan! I don’t know what’s on the DVD, but it’s gonna be good!!

Jorge (pronounced “George,” as per George) continues to try to kill his poor (but rich) father-in-law Mr Cano with poisoned Scotch, but Mr Cano knows something is up, so he poured a big glass for George too, poured one for himself, and made a toast. George panicked, dropped his tumbler full of poison scotch, and ran out of the room!

Mr Cano then smiled, and said something I did not understand any of because I DON’T SPANISH!!

For the same exact reason, I cannot tell if Barbara Cano (George’s wife and Humbertos sister) is in on the plot to murder her father.

Humberto and Santa have been married for about 72 hours, and already she has drugged him to get away to visit her secret son who was sick in the hospital, and made out with his brother Santiago at least twice.

But she can be forgiven because she only married Umberto to destroy his family to avenge her husband’s false imprisonment and true murder at the hands of most of the Cano family.

On the other hand, Umberto has already hooked up with his treacherous former mistress and mother of his (grown) son, the always-evil Lisette.

Who is supposed to marry Albert…

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Can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow!!