EPISODE 4

“A SEASON FOR MAGIC & MIRACLES … AND MURDER & MAYHEM!”

When we last left off yesterday, GINA was at the door of the Ciderville ‘El Generalissimo’ General Store, and GABI was not happy to see her, while LUPITA was still reeling from the events of the day so far,and she had only been in town for a few hours!

Gina is holding a snowglobe filled with Dalmation puppies, and still in her Christmas sweater.

An angry Gabi asks her “QUE HACES AQUI?!?!? (What are you doing here?!?)”

Gina responds that she is there to see FERNANDA. Lupita insists she is not Fernanda, and wants to know why everyone keeps calling her ‘Fernanda.’

For the umpteenth time that day (so far) she tells Gina in no uncertain terms that she is NOT this ‘Fernanda,’ and adds for good measure, that she is not here to buy the town of Ciderville, either.

She then adds, to both Gina and Gabi, that she is NEVER going to wear a Christmas Sweater, and that when people in The Big City wear them, they wear them as jokes, for ‘Ugly Sweater’ contests.

Gina and Gabi bless themselves.

Gina asks Gabi for a moment of privacy with ‘Lupita.’ Gabi is reluctant to do so, but Lupita insists it’s ok, and so Gabi goes to the store-room to unpack more Christmas sweaters, which is also an excellent listening post.

Before she goes, she asks if anyone wants any hot cider, but no one does.

Gabi pretends to go into the store-room, but she stands in the doorway, where she can hear everything.

Lupita asks Gina what she wants, and demands that Gina explains why Gina, Veronica and Roberto kidnapped her earlier that day.

Gina reminds her it was more in the nature of an “Unlawful Restraint,” and not a full-blown Kidnapping, but agrees it was wrong and apologizes and begs Lupita for her forgiveness. Lupita says she forgives them, but wants to know WHY??? Gina tells her that the Town of Ciderville is very important to all of them, and they heard that a Busy Career Woman From The Big City Who Hates Christmas was coming to Ciderville to buy the town to destroy, and that she and her partners had decided to hold The Career Woman hostage until after Christmas, so that Ciderville could have “One Last Christmas,” but that when they saw the Career Woman was Fernanda, they just couldn’t do it.

In the middle of the conversation, they hear the screech of tires, and Gabi, Gina and Lupita run to the windows of the shop, where they see the long, black limo we saw at the end of yesterday’s episode has stopped in front of the store. The tall, very handsome, elegant man in a perfectly tailored Italian suit emerges from the back of the car, and again removes his photo of “Fernanda” from his wallet, then looks directly at the faces of the three women in the window. Lupita shows no emotion, Gabi’s face breaks into a big smile, and a stunned Gina drops the Dalmation snow-globe, shattering it into a thousand pieces. And then faints in case anyone missed the point.

The man – LEONARDO – begins walking up the Candy Cane Lane to the shop… Taking his time… Enjoying this moment…

MEANWHILE…

NADIA and OSCAR are still day-drinking, at a different Cantina in town, the “Ciderville Christmas Candle-Inn.”

The Cande-Inn has no artificial lights, is entirely lit by Christmas candles, and the bartender dresses like Santa Clause, the Bar-backs dress as elves, and the waitresses dress like Mrs. Clause. But not a “Naughty’ Mrs Clause – more like a Hallmark Mrs Clause.

It’s one of the most popular places in town, because everyone looks great in candlelight.

In between steamy embraces, in their corner booth, Oscar asks Nadia about the town – specifically, what’s with the cider, and where’s the snow? Nadia is about to answer some of his questions, but changes her mind when “La Murga” comes on the jukebox, and she can’t resist the Christmas salsa music. She pulls Oscar onto the dance floor, and even though the two of them have been drinking all day, they don’t miss a step.

Everyone in the bar begins to clap around them as they take over the floor, yelling “Eso!!”

Just like Mark Anthony.

The music ends with an abrupt scratching-sound, when the doors to the bar open, letting in daylight and two figures of two men standing in the doorway, whose faces are blocked by the sun.

The two men come towards Oscar & Nadia.

Nadia’s eyes open in terror when she realizes it’s JOSE and JOSUE, now in matching Christmas Sweaters.

Jose says to Nadia – “Mira Nada Más” (“Well, Well, Well, Look Who’s Here…”) “Go on, my love, why don’t you tell your new lover about the cider?”

Josue adds, and “And don’t forget to tell him about the snow, too!”

Jose and Josue laugh diabolically and crowd Nadia, who pulls herself up bravely to her full height (approximately 5’3”) and demands to know “QUE HACES AQUI?!?!?”

Josue brings his face very close to Nadia’s, and tells her “We’re here for you.”

“And for some hot cider,” Jose adds.

Oscar believes this a good time for him to leave the bar, to go find his Patrona Lupita, but Jose and Josue block his exit, which leads Oscar to rethink his exit, and instead orders “Hot Cider all around!!” This breaks the tension, and everyone has a good laugh, until Josue leans right into Oscar’s face, demanding to know “Que Haces Aqui?!?!?!?!?”

Oscar replies that he’s only passing through town with his Patrona,

but Jose corrects him and says “No, I mean what are you doing here with MY WIFE?!?!?”

He then crushes the cider goblet in his hand, never losing eye contact with Oscar…

MEANWHILE-

Back at the Ciderville Village Hall made entirely out of gingerbread, MAYOR LUIS and and SHERIFF RICARDO walk into the small conference room where LAS COLOMBIANAS wait for them, drumming their extremely decorated and very long nails on the table. They are wearing Christmas Sweaters, but because they are Colombian, the sweaters are actually crop-tops that just look like Christmas Sweaters.

The crop-tops are also decorated with small candles that are actually lit, but because Las Colombianas are Colombian, they are not afraid of wearing lit candles.

When Luis and Ricardo walk into the room, Las Colombianos demand to know “QUE HACES AQUI?!?”

To which Luis responds “I work here. The better question is “QUE ESTAN HACIENDO AQUI??!” (Which means, “What are you doing here, (plural)?!?!?”)

Ricardo then tells them to put their sweaters out, because this is a “No Smoking” building.

LA COLOMBIANA points at LA FRANCESCA, The Deputy Mayor and Chief Deputy of the Ciderville Police Department, who is spying on them from the doorway, and smoking. La Colombiana demands to know why La Francesca is allowed to smoke, and Luis explains that La Francesca’s grandmother founded the town, so she’s grandfathered in on smoking. And Ricardo reminds them that Francesca is also the Deputy Mayor and Chief Deputy of the Ciderville Police Department, so she can pretty much do whatever she wants. THE OTHER COLOMBIANA objects to the corruption of the Ciderville town government, and also wants to know if she and La Colombiana can have some more hot cider please.

Luis tells them that they can have as much cider as they want once they explain what they are doing there without an appointment.

Las Colombianas explain (In very fast Spanish, in a very strong Colombian dialect that sounds kind of Chinese to an untrained ear, like mine) that they are there in the spirit of Christmas, and want to work with Ciderville to end waste, and to that end, they have a suggestion: After Christmas, they volunteer to take whatever is left of the Gingerbread Town Hall and ship it all to starving children.

Their organization is called “A Nosh for Los Ninos.”

The ladies add that they want to create a Christmas Talent Competition to raise funds for the organization, which will take place on Christmas Eve, and that since they are very talented themselves, they should not be excluded from the competition.

Luis and Ricardo try to catch their breath from the long and fast verbal assault from Las Colombianas, which is just how they talk. But the Mayor and Chief like the idea.

And they like Las Colombianas.

Luis calls for Francesca to bring more hot cider for everyone, and while the four of them toast happier days ahead for their relationship, Francesca watches from the doorway, smoking, and pulls out her phone.

When whoever she is calling answers, Francesca says “My love, I have some very interesting news for you… But it will cost you… Meet me at the Christmas Cantina. …

No! Not that one, the other one!”

MEANWHILE…

Back at the Ciderville “El Generalissimo” General Store, Lupita is trying to revive Gina, while Gabi fusses over LEONARDO with hot cider and cookies, and she holds different Christmas sweaters up to him, trying to decide what will suit him best.

Leonardo really likes those cookies, and doesn’t stop eating them.

He eats and waits for Gina to wake up, and stares at Lupita. Lupita finally revives Gina, and when Gina comes to, she asks Leonardo, “Leonardo, Que Haces Aqui?!?!?”

Gabi reminds GIna that Leonardo is family – her brother – and the better question to Gina is “What are you still doing here?”

Lupita watches them while they argue, and Leonardo interrupts them both with a “Shut Up,” which they obey immediately.

Leonardo begins walking towards a nervous Lupita, who walks backward as he walks forwards, and she nervously asks him what he wants.

Leonardo responds “You, Lupita, I want you – my wife!”

Gina and Gabi bless themselves, and Lupita slaps Leonardo, hard.

And then slaps him once more, in case he didn’t get it the first time.

STAY TUNED FOR EPISODE 5!!

#Telenovelas

#HallmarkChristmasMovies

“A SEASON FOR MAGIC & MIRACLES (AND MURDER & MAYHEM)” – Episode 2!

“A TIME FOR MAGIC & MIRACLES (AND MURDER AND MAYHEM)”

-A combination of a Telenovela and a Hallmark Christmas Movie

-Episode 2 – Lupita Shops For Christmas Plates And Her Own Town …

In the Christmas shop “Ye Olde La Casa de Christmas”, Lupita gradually wakes up and begins to focus on the worried, yet sinister, faces of Gina, Veronica and Roberto hovering over her. Gina lovingly wipes the blood from Lupita’s forehead, while Veronica fixes Lupita’s hair, so that she looks as beautiful as she did before the Christmas bell over the doorway came crashing down on her head, knocking her out.

Roberto pushes the two women out of the way and yells “Que Haces Aqui?!” at Lupita, which means “What are you doing here?!” Lupita, now on her feet, announces that she is there to buy Christmas dessert dishes, and that she heard La Casa de Christmas had the best Christmas accessories in Ciderville. As she looks around the store, which is packed with Christmas goods, her request does not appear to be unreasonable. But then, she realizes the blinds are drawn and the store is closed.

Lupita demands to know if she is being kidnapped. She begs them not to cover her head in a burlap bag, because she’s not sure if they are ever washed in-between kidnappings. Gina explains that there is no need for a burlap bag because you only need those when you don’t want the person being kidnapped to know where they are going, and also adds in a rush that this is not a kidnapping. Veronica adds that what they are doing is closer to the crime of “Unlawful Restraint,: but that if they move her into the stock-room, then that would technically be a Kidnapping.

Lupita demands to know what the three of them want, and Roberto informs her that her days of making demands are over – that they demand to know if Luptia is The Rich Woman Who Has Come To Buy The Town Of Ciderville To Destroy It, Because She Hates Christmas?

Lupita looks scared, and Roberto, Gina and Veronica look like they already know the answer to that question…

MEANWHILE…

Across town, Jaycee is limping his broken bike back home, when a black Mercedes sedan pulls up quickly beside him, but not before almost hitting him, which would be the second time that day he would have been struck by a luxury sedan with tinted windows.

The tinted window comes down, revealing the beautiful yet angry face of BLANCA, who demands to know “QUE HACES AQUI?!” (“What are you doing here?!”). Jaycee thanks Blanca for not killing him, and explains that earlier in the day a different sedan belonging to a different rich woman almost struck and killed him, and destroyed his bike. Blanca’s already kind-of-narrow eyes narrow even more, and she asks Jaycee “Is it her? What is she doing here?” Jaycee tells her that is between Blanca and his father, which is when we learn that Blanca is Jaycee’s mother!! And just to drive the point home, she orders him to get in the car and leave his bike out on the street – she’ll buy him a new one for Christmas.

As Jaycee debates this offer, Blanca’s sinister driver, REYNALDO, gets out of the car and advises Jaycee he had better do what his mother tells him to do. Reynaldo walks over to the bike, takes it away from Jaycee and tosses it on the side of the road…

MEANWHILE…

Back at La Casa de Christmas, Lupita demands to be released. Veronica moves quickly through the store, opening the blinds and the store, while Gina insists that Lupita was never “kidnapped,” they just wanted to show her the “Glow-In-The-Dark Garland that is new this year. Roberto approaches Lupita with the garland, wrapping it around his hands as if it was a scarf he might use to wrap around her throat, but then he releases the garland, cracks it like a whip, which makes the garland light up. Roberto tells Lupita it’s their biggest seller this year, for kids of all ages, and that as a sign of good faith, she should buy some garland. And The Christmas Dishes. Lupita has a staring contest with the three shopkeepers …

MEANWHILE…

Back at the Ciderville Christmas Cantina, Oscar (Lupita’s Driver & Bodyguard) is enjoying another egg-nog, when an attractive woman in a very low-cut animal-print sweater that is already two sizes too tight for her, leans over Oscar with a cigarette and asks for a light. This is NADIA. As Oscar brings his hand close to her cigarette, Nadia takes his hand and moves it even closer, in a subtle yet obvious caress. Oscar is surprised at how forward Nadia is, even though she is alone in the Cantina wearing a too-tight leopard print sweater.

Oscar asks her “You know that move? Even here in Ciderville,?” To which Nadia responds, “Baby, we all know that move.” She then pulls away from him suddenly and demands to know “Que Haces Aqui?!” (“What are you doing here?!”). Oscar tells her that he is drinking as much egg-nog as he can because he loves it, it’s impossible to find after the holidays, and so he is loading up on the best egg-nog he has ever had. From behind the bar, MANNY, the sinister bartender, beams with pride.

Nadia corrects Oscar, and says she means What Is He Doing Here, in Ciderville, because he looks like he is from The Big City. Oscar insists he’s only in it for the egg-nog, but that his Patrona, Lupita, is here in Ciderville to buy some Christmas dishes…

With that, Nadia looks back at Manny, and they share a secret smile Oscar can’t see because he basically has had too much egg-nog at this point.

MEANWHILE…

Back at “La Casa de Christmas,” Lupita has selected a beautiful set of antique Christmas dishes that are The Jewel In The Crown of the store. As she approaches the cash register with the dishes, Veronica quickly takes them out of her hands, hands them to Roberto, and Gina starts crying and announces that they were her grandmother’s dishes, and they are not for sale. When Lupita replies that they were in the window with a price tag of $500, Gina tells her it’s a mistake – they are priceless. Lupita insists they are $500 – and insists Gina look on the price sticker on the back of the plates. Gina tenderly asks Lupita if she really likes the dishes, but before Lupita can answer her, Gina hugs Lupita and whispers that she should get out of town, while there is still time, or else do her Christmas shopping at the rival Christmas store in town, “The Ciderville Generalissimo Store.” Veronica approaches Lupita with some homemade Christmas Cookies and Egg-Nog, but Roberto interrupts and tells them that “they had better make that EggNog to go. Lupita isn’t welcome in “Ye Olde La Casa de Christmas” anymore.

MEANWHILE…

Back at the Ciderville Christmas Cantina, Nadia and Oscar share a cigarette and a lot of double-entendres, until Manny interrupts and reminds Nadia that there’s no smoking allowed inside any of the businesses in Ciderville, for the kids’ sake. Nadia apologizes as she approaches Manny, and dies out her cigarette on his hand. As his screams pierce the Cantina, Nadia suggests to Oscar that they go somewhere more quiet, like the Bed & Breakfast she runs in town. As they stroll outside down the Candy Cane Lane to his car, he tells Nadia that he is here with his Patrona, and they are not spending the night in Ciderville. Nadia accepts this news, walks over to his car, and punctures the tires with a gigantic stiletto she keeps in her purse. “You are now,” she tells him. At which point he takes her in his arms and they make-out like crazy.

MEANWHILE…

Lupita finds Oscar and Nadia, and pulls Oscar away from Nadia, demanding to know where he’s been and yelling at him for abandoning her. She tells him she was kidnapped, threatened, and was not allowed to buy the Christmas dishes she wanted. Nadia watches Lupita, with her hand inside of her purse, caressing her stiletto. Nadia and Lupita are off to a bad start, which does not get better when Oscar tells Lupita that “someone” has slashed the tires to their car, and so they have to stay at Nadia’s B&B tonight. Nadia adds she only has one room available, which means that Oscar is sleeping with her….

MEANWHILE…

Blanca’s sedan pulls up in front of a gigantic mansion, and she and Jaycee emerge from the car and walk up the magnificent front porch. The Christmas decorations are exquisite and abundant. Jaycee tells his mother she outdid herself this year, and she’s sure to win the “Ciderville Christmas Competition,” to which Blanca answers with a sigh and a faraway look, that Christmas is the saddest part of the year for her, and that it hasn’t been the same since … since…

The front door opens suddenly, and standing on the other side of it is a man who looks exactly like Roberto from “Ye Olde Casa de Christmas,” except he is even angrier and scarier, even in his MATCHING CHRISTMAS SWEATER. The first words out of his mouth to Jaycee are “Que Haces Aqui?!” (“What are you doing here?!) to which Jaycee replies “I love here.” “Not any more!,” says his father PABLO. Blana slaps Pablo hard, and demands to know “How many more children do I have to lose?!” Which shuts everyone up.

Then, Blanca’s eyes grow very very narrow, almost too narrow to see out of, and she demands to know of Pablo where he got that sweater from. Pablo responds he found it in the attic!!! This news shocks everyone, even the housekeepers standing by, who bless themselves. When Blanca demands to know of Pablo “What were you doing in the attic,” Pablo responds “I live here.” The housekeepers bless themselves again.

After a long minute, Jaycee extends his hand to Pablo, asks for his forgiveness, for his mother’s sake, and announces that he wants to come home for Christmas.

The housekeepers bless themselves again.

Blanca hugs Jaycee, and Pablo accepts his apology, but Pablo adds that Jaycee is going to need a Christmas sweater. When Jaycee says “No problem, I’ll go find one in the attic,” Blanca screams, the housekeepers bless themselves again, and then Blanca tells him that everything in the attic has been eaten by the moths – let’s go to town, I’ll buy you a new one. She adds cryptically “For Tonight…”

MEANWHILE…

Lupita, Oscar and Nadia stand shoulder-to-shoulder, in front of another Christmas shop called “ EL GENERALISSIMO GENERAL STORE.” Except for the fact that it’s directly across the street from “Ye Olde Casa de la Christmas” it could be it’s twin. As Lupita and Oscar walk up the lane lined with lamposts out of Dickens, Nadia says she’ll wait for them outside. (Basically, if Nadia was a Vampire, Christmas stores would be daylight.)

Lupita makes Oscar walk in first, and watches the bell over the door carefully as she walks in after him. The song the bell plays is “24 de Diciembre” by Juan Gabriel. Suddenly, a beautiful woman comes from behind the counter, welcomes them to her store and spontaneously begins dancing with Oscar, who cannot believe the great day he is having.

Lupita joins in, clapping and yelling “Eso!!!” Just like Marc Anthony.

The woman is “Gabi,” and unlike everyone else they have met, she is happy and normal. And Super-Good Looking. Suddenly, the door opens again, and in comes JayCee.

Time stands still when he and Lupita see each other again, and the music seems to slow down. He takes Lupita in his arms, and they begin dancing to the joyful Christmas song as it returns to it’s regular, extremely bouncy beat.

The door opens again, but this time the music makes a loud record-scratching sound.

The dancing and fun stops.

It’s Blanca, who is saying “How long does it take to find a Christmas Sweat-“

She stops in her tracks when she sees Lupita.

Blanca walks up to Lupita and yells “Fernanda!!! QUE HACES AQUI?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”

…. STAY TUNED FOR EPISODE 3

I Make Mistakes In México So You Don’t Have To…

I had never before been to Mexico,

I don’t speak much Spanish,

I don’t know The Metric System.

So why not move to Mexico from Chicago to write the Telenovela of my dreams?

What could go wrong….

Listen to my podcast to learn all about my mistake-filled life here, and please give it a great rating even if you have to lie!!

Gracias!!

#podcasts

#mexico

#telenovelas

#travel

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-mexican-mistake-s/id1474401635

I Make Mistakes in Mexico City So You Don’t Have To…

I had never before been to Mexico,

I don’t speak much Spanish,

I don’t know The Metric System.

So why not move to Mexico from Chicago to write the Telenovela of my dreams?

What could go wrong?????

Listen to my podcast, NOW ON APPLE PODCASTS, to learn all about my mistake-filled life here, and please give it a great rating even if you have to lie!!

Gracias!!

#podcasts

#mexico

#telenovelas

#travel

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-mexican-mistake-s/id1474401635

My Mexican Mistake(s)

I moved here to Mexico City on June 1, 2019, inspired by my love of telenovelas!

And I’d never been to Mexico before a day in my life!

And now I’m making lots of mistakes here, so you don’t have to!

The podcast is now on Apple, Spotify, Anchor and lots of other platforms. It’s somewhat awkward, very silly, occasionally funny, and always commercial-free!

Please give it a listen and a high rating, even if you have to lie.

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-mexican-mistake-s/id1474401635

Not One Decorating Or Travel Tip Here. No Recipes Either.

Why You Need to Stop Decorating And Watch “La Reina del Sur 2” on Netflix

One of my favorite series, “La Reina del Sur 2” is now on @netflix everywhere, and coming soon to @telemundointl here in Mexico!

Only GOT beats it in the ratings, which isn’t surprising because basically LRDS is a NarcoNovela GOT, with it’s own cool acronym too.

There is a lot of driving in #lrds2 – and oddly some of it is by a ten-year old girl driving a Cadillac through the winding streets of Tuscany.

You’ll see things in this great series you’ve never seen before, including American actor (and Julia Roberts’ brother) Eric Roberts, speaking worse Spanish than I do.

The show has a wonderful cast, great music (thanks to @flaviomedinal and his back-up singers @robertowoficial & @lincpal) and is a lot of fun and a Truly Excellent Adventure. @calvatwitt as

“Batmancito” is going to break your heart, plus there’s nothing more fun than watching him argue with a ten-year old. Humberto Zurito is a blast as “The Narco Who Would Be President.”

The only real danger of his Presidency would be that Cabinet meetings could get confusing because he calls everyone “Mijo.”

Watch @reinadelsurtv on @Netflix for a very good time!!

#lrds #netflix #gringanovelera

The Aztecs Should Have Been A Little Nicer … They Would Still Be Around And Would Be Bigger Than Marriott! (Hear All About It In My Latest Podcast From México City!)

https://open.spotify.com/episode/06MZIIC5TYT0ZlPayQl8Lp?context=spotify%3Ashow%3A1ASLg55QBXFsSSGnFHN5VD&si=Himx68lzRcK5GrAK7cNHrg

The Most Meta- Moment In My Life? Easy. I Was A Character In A Telenovela!!

All I wanted to do was learn Spanish from watching a telenovela- and somehow I became a character in one!!

As the hit FashionRomanceTelenovela “Betty En New York” has come to an end with SPECTACULAR ratings, things are just starting to heat up here in Mexico City, where the ratings for this fun and funny show are always #1 in it’s time slot.

Could these fantastic ratings be because I am actually a character in the show, thanks to Sandra Velasco, Luis Mi, Alejandro Vergara, Valentina Del Rosario Parraga and Lizandra Parra!

Yes, “Sofia” is represented in her divorce by Marcela’s good friend, “the Best Lawyer in the USA, “Karen Kerbis from Chicago!”

My favorite part of being a lawyer in this Novela is that just as it was when I actually was a lawyer in Chicago, my advice comes from watching telenovelas, because “Law and Order” was too unrealistic.

Here I am!!

I’m “Karen Kerbis, the Lawyer from Chicago!!”

Of course, I was very lucky to be played by the wonderful actress Lizandra Parra!

And doubly-lucky to have Amaranta Ruiz for my client!!! ❤️❤️

I will never forget that this happened to me!!

Muchas muchas gracias!!

😘😘😘😘

“Santa Diabla” Is On Again In México!!!

Hello! Today is Sunday July 21 and I’m coming to you LIVE from Mexico City!!

As most of you know I moved here from Chicago about six weeks ago to write the telenovela of my dreams, having been so inspired by the telenovelas I started watching just a few years ago. At first, it was just a crazy experiment, one of the many dangers of living in Chicago during a winter of Thundersnow.

But almost immediately, telenovelas, and writing about telenovelas, became my true passion and eventually led me here, to live in Mexico.

The first telenovela I ever wrote daily summaries about was “Santa Diabla,” by Jose Ignacio “El Chascas” Valenzuela

on Telemundo.

In #SantaDiabla, nothing was as it seemed, and that was not because I didn’t speak Spanish! The plot of “Santa Diabla” was that a woman named Santa Martinez pretended to be a woman named “Amanda Braun,” so she could marry Humberto Cano (and basically into the whole mean and crazy Cano family) in order to obtain her revenge on him and his family for framing her beloved husband Willy for rape and killing him in prison, but then right after Santa married Humberto, she met his saxaphone-playing, perenially-sad brother Santiago, and fell in love with him.

And then things became super-complicated and mysterious and funny after that.

I never missed one episode of the novela and

I wrote summaries of the show every night!

I did that all on my original Facebook page called “La Gringa Novelera,” and my real name was nowhere to be found.

After Santa Diabla ended, I continued to write about telenovelas daily.

A couple of years after I started, Facebook, even though they helped Russia help elect Trump, took a firm stand on my Facebook page, and insisted I change the Page to my name, so I did.

My telenovela-sensei Irma Lopez had the foresight to help me save my old posts chronicalling “Santa Diabla,” and I found them recently!

And now that here in Mexico, Telemundointl is showing “Santa Diabla” again, I thought I’d resurrect these old posts that I wrote about the show, timing them to the episode that’s playing .

The series just started about two weeks ago, and here’s what’s happened so far:

Santa, pretending to be Amanda, has already married Humberto, drugged him during their honeymoon so she could escape and go visit her son in the hospital, fallen in love with his brother Santiago, got her mom a job as a maid in the Cano house but no one knows it’s her mom; got her sister-in-law Paula a job as a legal secretary at Humberto’s law firm but no one is supposed to know they are related, the idea being to destroy the Cano family from the inside-out.

Meanwhile, Humberto’s sex-machine mistress Lisette is back in town, with their 18-year old son Ivan who Humberto just met for the first time. Meanwhile, another guy in town named Arturo who’s terrified of his racist mother who I call Mrs. Trump, but still wants her to support him, is too afraid to tell his mother that his girlfriend Mara is African-American, so he proposes to Lisette because his mother promised him a lot of money if he’d settle down and get married and give her a grandchild. Even though Lisette is Humberto mistress and lives off of the men she’s involved with, she is a more acceptable daughter-in-law to Mrs. Trump that Mara, who is beautiful, kind, hard-working, honest but African-American.

And in another part of town, The Robledo Family, BFF’s and law-partners with the Canos, have their own set of problems in the form of the madcap and sociopath daughter “Ines,” who is my favorite character on the whole show. Ines has also just returned from somewhere (The Psychiactric Ward?), and instantaneously fell in love with Santiago Cano, except Santiago is already madly in love with Amanda/Santa, who just married his brother Humberto.

Ines was played by the great Ximena Duque – who stole the whole show!!!!!

Got it??????????

Don’t worry – you will!!!

So I am going to try to re-post each one of these old posts to follow along with the series in repeats here in Mexico.

I am not changing or fixing anything, except for typos.

I missed a lot as I wrote my daily summaries of the show a few years ago, and got a lot of things wrong. But I think that made it fun and funny for me!

Let’s see how this experiment goes….

——————————————————————–

(From 21 August 2013)

Hola y buenos noches!

Ok, so “Santa Diabla” was very good tonight, but tomorrow looks even better because it involves a very telling DVD played at the Grand Opening of Humbertp’s new club, with all of the Cano (synonymous with “evil, except for Santiago) family and friends there, so this will cause much embarrassment for the Cano clan! I don’t know what’s on the DVD, but it’s gonna be good!!

Jorge (pronounced “George,” as per George) continues to try to kill his poor (but rich) father-in-law Mr Cano with poisoned Scotch, but Mr Cano knows something is up, so he poured a big glass for George too, poured one for himself, and made a toast. George panicked, dropped his tumbler full of poison scotch, and ran out of the room!

Mr Cano then smiled, and said something I did not understand any of because I DON’T SPANISH!!

For the same exact reason, I cannot tell if Barbara Cano (George’s wife and Humbertos sister) is in on the plot to murder her father.

Humberto and Santa have been married for about 72 hours, and already she has drugged him to get away to visit her secret son who was sick in the hospital, and made out with his brother Santiago at least twice.

But she can be forgiven because she only married Umberto to destroy his family to avenge her husband’s false imprisonment and true murder at the hands of most of the Cano family.

On the other hand, Umberto has already hooked up with his treacherous former mistress and mother of his (grown) son, the always-evil Lisette.

Who is supposed to marry Albert…

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Can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow!!

My Favorite Street In México City

What’s better than a big street that goes in a big circle??

Here’s Episode 3 of my new podcast!

https://anchor.fm/karen-kerbis/episodes/Theres-Nothing-Better-Than-A-Big-Street-That-Goes-In-A-Big-Circle-e48o75